https://mattriffle.com/assets/on-managing-people-DrAME2B-.js

1const e=`## Introduction
2
3#### Every Hero Has An Origin Story, And, Also, So Do I
4
5I am not a natural born manager. I’m a conflict-adverse introvert who, except for a stint as a patrol leader in my Boy Scout troop, arrived at Pair Networks, Inc. fresh out of college never having lead much anything.
6
7On the flip side, I’m reliable, driven, have what I consider an above-average amount of empathy, and a capacity for worst-case thinking that I think is a great asset (whatever happens, I’ve considered much worse).
8
9Throw that together with a boss and mentor who saw something in me and took a chance, and you end up with 25+ years (every one profitable) at one company, running Technology operations for 19 of those.
10
11#### Watching An Industry Be Born From The Inside Was Pretty Cool
12
13Pair Networks arose in Pittsburgh, PA, far away from Silicon Valley and Silicon Alley and the other seven “Silicon” locations cited by Wikipedia as allegedly being things.
14
15Web Hosting as an industry was just coming in to being, and we helped create it. We did it with no cross-pollination with the other major companies of the early Internet boom. (Which isn’t all bad — we were mostly just somber observers to the dot-com crash, for instance.)
16
17I once had breakfast with a C-level officer of a major technology company that was trying hard to get out of the shadow of an “eccentric” founder with penchants for shooting elephants and sexist advertising. I shall not name them here.
18
19He and I were discussing this origin and he paused, looked at me, and said, “It’s kind of like you’ve been raised by wolves.” I’ve since told this story hundreds of times to basically anybody who would listen (or at least pretend to). It gave me a new frame of reference for evaluating how our company evolved.
20
21#### Succeed For The Long Term
22
23At Pair, we did a lot of things really well, a lot of things just okay, and more than a few things I wish I could change (running joke: “We just need to finish the Time Machine project, and then…).
24
25One thing we nailed, and I will accept no argument to the contrary, is people. How to find them, how to treat them, how to keep them, and how to let go when they feel pulled elsewhere.
26
27I wasn’t the sole architect of “the Pair Way” (as nobody calls it but me), but I was one of them, and here’s how we made it happen. IMO.
28
29## How To Find People
30
31#### You Can’t Teach Work Ethic or Common Sense
32
33Skills are important. But skills can be taught. You can teach a new programming language, or a new Linux distro. Heck, you can even teach Linux to a Windows-user, if they are smart and want to learn.
34
35You can’t teach diligence, or ambition, or empathy, or the ability to give and take constructive criticism.
36
37I’ll take someone who is bright and eager to learn over someone who sees every problem in terms of the 2-4 tools they’re already expert on, any time.
38
39Putting rigid requirements on what skills a prospective employee must already have is counter-productive, especially at the entry level. And don’t get me started on “AI” keyword-filtering of resumes, or I’ll start throwing around words like “myopic,” and nobody wants that.
40
41#### If You Can’t Promote From Within, You’ve Done Something Wrong
42
43At Pair, whenever possible, we filled higher-level positions from within and then hired someone new at entry level. And even within one job area, we cross-trained employees and gave them new opportunities to expand their knowledge and put it to use.
44
45There is value, certainly, in hiring from the outside and injecting new ideas in to your organization. And for certain very specialized areas, maybe that’s your only choice. But evaluate internally first.
46
47The sheer number of multi-decade employee tenures at Pair speaks to the wisdom of this approach.
48
49#### How To Treat, And Thus Keep, People
50
51##### ”You take care of that, and we’ll hold down the office until you are back.”
52
53If an employee comes to you and tells you they need some time to take care of their child/spouse/parent/pet/house/self… the only answer is the one above.
54
55We like to pretend that work is our employees’ first priority, but, it’s not, it never will be, and it never _should_ be. If you want happy and loyal employees who will give you everything they actually have to give you, start by acknowledging and accepting where you sit on their priority list.
56
57And don’t just say it — _mean_ it.
58
59If that means that you as a leader have to hold down two jobs for a 

59week while a key employee deals with a sick kid, a burst pipe, a bad break-up, or whatever else — then so be it. That’s what the job requires of _you_.
60
61The thing is, though — if you instill this as a #culture within your department or company, and your employees know that you mean it and you’ll back it up, then you won’t have to shoulder the whole burden yourself. When the employees know that the company has their back, they’ll have the company’s back, too, and you’ll find everyone pitching in when someone needs a helping hand.
62
63People throw the term “family” around in regards to companies all the time, usually in lieu of doing anything to make it true. If you want your company to feel like a family — start here.
64
65#### Don’t Be Afraid To Say, “I don’t know.”
66
67The business world is full of people who can vamp for endless minutes spewing empty business jargon to get out of the embarrassment of not knowing something they’re expected to know.
68
69Don’t be that person. Just say, “I don’t know.”
70
71Then follow-up with either “…but I’ll find out,” or “…but I’ll help you find out,” and actually follow through.
72
73People will trust and respect you, and your word, more.
74
75#### You Can’t Make An Omelette Without Breaking A Few Eggs
76
77That’s something I heard my mentor say more than a few times over the years. I assume he got it from an older family member at some point; I’ve never asked.
78
79Even the best employees aren’t perfect. You aren’t perfect. Mistakes will be made. Don’t compound the misery by getting rid of a good employee to “set an example” or “demand accountability” or to “make yourself feel like you’ve done something.”
80
81If there was no negligence involved, if the employee ‘fessed up and sought out help to correct the mistake, if the lesson has been learned… then have a post-mortem written up, discuss as needed, and move forward. A good employee is unlikely to make that same mistake again.
82
83(If one or more of those conditions are not true then it’s a different situation, and one which I’m explicitly not covering here because, frankly, I’m not the one to take advice from on that subject. I tend to think I can save any employee. I’ll just say that if you do a good job finding employees, you’ll only very rarely find yourself in that situation.)
84
85I once saw a bumper sticker that said, “Give up all hope of a better past.” Whatever happened has already happened — don’t deprive yourself of a good employee and compound your problems.
86
87#### Your Employees Must Be Free To Talk To You, And To Each Other
88
89Silos are for grain, and for managers with raging cases of Imposter Syndrome.
90
91Employees need to communicate to get things done — with you, with their team members, and often with other departments, with customers, with other companies.
92
93If you don’t encourage and facilitate that, then you are sacrificing progress for “order.” Set sane parameters for communication and trust your employees to work within them.
94
95If you’re afraid of what they’ll have to say — that’s a different issue, and you need to take a step back and work on whatever makes you feel that way.
96
97If you’re afraid of dissent — well, sorry. Sometimes you are going to be wrong. A manager whose employees can’t disagree with them will eventually find that they have no employees at all. Not ones worth having, in any event.
98
99Here’s an axiom I just made up right now: the chances of your employees talking behind your back are exponentially proportional to how hard you work to prevent them from doing so.
100
101#### Give Credit Where Credit Is Due
102
103Don’t be that manager that acts like they’ve single-handedly done all the team’s work.
104
105You want to take credit for something? Take credit for assembling such a great team. Otherwise, when your team does great work, call it out loudly, often, and with names.
106
107#### The Good Kinds Of Interference, Or, Why For Years My Avatar On Our Chat System Was A Sponge
108
109A large part of being in management is running interference for your employees, and sometimes between your employees.
110
111Any big company is going to have a large amount of corporate overhead. If you absorb as much of that as you can, your employees will be more free to do great work. If that means you end up doing what you think of as “grunt work,” then, so be it. Your job is to make sure your team has what it needs to succeed, and time itself is at the top of that list.
112
113Likewise, it’s entirely possible that two very smart, very capable, very loyal employees can disagree on, well, pretty much anything.
114
115Not that I’m speaking from direct personal experience, but that can lead you to situations like finding yourself having three active work chats at the same time. One in which those employees debate the topic of the day in minute and vociferous detail, and two in which each of them privately implore you to smite the other for their dissent. (I’m possibly being a tad hyperbolic, here, but just a tad.)
116
117What do you do? You can declare a topic closed. You can declare one person “the winner.” Neither of these are likely to meet your overall goal of moving the company forward.
118
119In my early years managing a software development team, I would sometimes bring a pair of boxing gloves with me to meetings that I thought would be contentious, and lay them on the table. It started as a way to lighten the mood (“Ha ha, you guys are going to fight”) but eventually was just a talisman reminding people to be measured in what they s

119aid.
120
121Sometimes the best you can do is make sure your employees redirect as much of the inevitable venting toward yourself and away from each other. If you can foster at least a base level of respect to go along with the debate, they can often come up with a solution better than what either had going in. That I willcop to being direct personal experience.
122
123(Note: there’s a difference between having strongly-held opinions and being contrary. See also: if you choose your employees wisely, this won’t often be an issue. When you see this, though, it’s time to take a side, take your lumps from the other side, and move forward.)
124
125#### Seek First To Understand, Then To Be Understood
126
127That’s from Franklin Covey’s Seven Habits. I don’t really subscribe to his philosophies, but that particular point has always resonated with me.
128
129We as a society (minus a loud and unfortunately powerful minority) are taking tentative steps to correct the myriad inequities that permeate pretty much our entire culture. (I’m speaking here of American culture but it’s hardly unique to us.)
130
131I want to be a part of the solution.
132
133But, the facts are: I am a cis white upper-middle-class American male, among the most privileged groups of people to ever walk this Earth. I know nothing of prejudice, of harassment, of the glass ceiling, of just feeling unsafe or unsure, in general.
134
135I’m not qualified to give advice on this topic, so, this is not that — it’s just a simple statement of what I intend to do.
136
137Listen. Listen to the people who know and who live the experience every day.
138
139Listen, try to understand, run that understanding back, and refine it.
140
141If you find yourself starting to say something that starts with “Actually” or “On the other hand” or “I’ve always thought that,” then bite your tongue, smile awkwardly, and wait for them to continue.
142
143Take what you find out and put it into practice, screw up (I will, and so will you) and then find out _how_ you screwed up, and try to do better.
144
145Repeat, repeat, repeat. Then listen some more.
146
147#### How To Let People Leave
148
149##### ”I’m sorry for me, but, I’m happy for you. You’ll always be a friend of the company, and if I can ever do anything for you in the future, just let me know.”
150
151Nothing sets off the ol’ alarm bells quite like an employee saying, “Hey, do you have a few minutes to talk this morning?”
152
153If you’ve taken my advice up until this point, then, they don’t need to ask to talk to you. They can just do it. When they ask, it tends to mean one of a few things, with a decent chance you’re about to have a hole in your department to fill.
154
155When that’s the case, the only thing to say is written up there above. Employees have to take care of themselves, their family, and their career first. It’s unrealistic to expect them to put your company (or worse, your career) above those things.
156
157By all means, find out if there’s anything you can do to keep them, and, if it’s within your power, do it. In my experience, though, by the time you are having this conversation, the die has already been cast. Find out what if anything you could’ve done earlier in the process to keep them, and give their input strong consideration.
158
159Beyond that, you say what the title says — and you mean it.
160
161Another of the many things about Pair Networks of which I’m proud is the number of employees who have had successful second acts with the company (no third acts, but we came close once).
162
163Treat them right on their way out the door, and maybe they’ll find their way back in later, bringing with them the gifts of insight and experience from out in the industry.
164
165If not, they can still be valuable resources — many former employees would send me links to articles they thought could help the company, for instance. (As I myself tend to send multiple messages to the folks at Pair each week, which all start with, “You probably already know this, but, just in case…”)
166
167Happy former employees can be invaluable in referring potential new employees, and giving a good report to anyone who is interested. The might even be able to bring you some business from their new employer.
168
169## Conclusion
170
171#### Repetition Is A Good Rhetorical Device
172
173I am not a natural born manager. I’m a conflict-adverse introvert.
174
175I don’t have all the answers, or, even most of them. And yet, I’d put my record leading teams up against most anybody’s.
176
177You try things. If they work, you keep doing them. If they don’t, you evaluate and iterate and you try again. You live. You learn. You subtly quote old Alanis Morissette songs.
178
179You get better.
180
181#### You Did What, Now?
182
183This article has grown out of reflection I’ve done as I plan the second act of my career. The goal is to not have to plan a third act.
184
185It remains to be seen whether walking away from a guaranteed contract to enter a job market that is still, as of this writing, highlighted by weekly stories of multi-thousand employee layoffs was, as they say, a “good idea.” [Narrator, from 2025: it was a good idea. A shockingly good idea.]
186
187I’m on a mission to narrow the width of my job so I can expand its depth. To really do that, I needed to step aside at Pair. They were more than ready, though — I hired well, and I kept a strong team together (with zero turnover during “The Great Resignation," he humble bragged).
188
189I know what I am. And I know what I’m not. I guess my last advice is that if you’re smart, work hard, and know those two things, you can find your way.
190
191###### ~
192`;export{e as default};