https://dooley.dk/jsgetwise.js

1function getwise(tag) {
2
3/* Dooley.dk - wise word per second generator */
4
5day = new Date()
6
7hr = day.getSeconds()
8
9mr = day.getMinutes()%2
10
11if (hr == ("0") && (mr == 0)) tag=("REALITY.SYS corrupted- reboot Universe (Y/N)?")
12
13if (hr == ("0") && (mr != 0)) tag=("The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple. - Oscar Wilde")
14
15if (hr == ("0") && (mr != 0)) tag=("why is a lot of good work often related to one person - because you can not make instructions and descriptions for good work, only work - Tom Kjeldsen")
16
17if (hr == ("1") && (mr == 0)) tag=("Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?")
18
19if (hr == ("1") && (mr != 0)) tag=("First get your facts; then you can distort them at your leisure. - Mark Twain")
20
21if (hr == ("2") && (mr == 0)) tag=("A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. - Sir Winston Churchill")
22
23if (hr == ("2") && (mr != 0)) tag=("There are three kinds of lies: lies, damn lies, and statistics. - Benjamin Disraeli")
24
25if (hr == ("3") && (mr == 0)) tag=("I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!")
26
27if (hr == ("3") && (mr != 0)) tag=("Then there was the man who drowned crossing a stream with an average depth of six inches. - W. I. E. Gates")
28
29if (hr == ("4") && (mr == 0)) tag=("We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.")
30
31if (hr == ("4") && (mr != 0)) tag=("In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back. - Charlie Brown")
32
33if (hr == ("5") && (mr == 0)) tag=("The way I see it, we're dead or we're alive.")
34
35if (hr == ("5") && (mr != 0)) tag=("We cannot all do great things. But we can do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa")
36
37if (hr == ("6") && (mr == 0)) tag=("Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. - Ralph Waldo Emerson")
38
39if (hr == ("6") && (mr != 0)) tag=("This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness. - the 14th Dalai Lama, Tenzin Gyatso")
40
41if (hr == ("7") && (mr == 0)) tag=("Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration. - Thomas Edison")
42
43if (hr == ("7") && (mr != 0)) tag=("The more I study the world, the more I am convinced of the inability of brute force to create anything durable. - Napoleon Bonaparte")
44
45if (hr == ("8") && (mr == 0)) tag=("Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.")
46
47if (hr == ("8") && (mr != 0)) tag=("To be completely honest with oneself is the very best effort a human being can make. - Sigmund Freud")
48
49if (hr == ("9") && (mr == 0)) tag=("I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!")
50
51if (hr == ("9") && (mr != 0)) tag=("Music is the shorthand of emotion. - Leo Tolstoy")
52
53if (hr == ("10") && (mr == 0)) tag=("He who laughs last thinks slowest!")
54
55if (hr == ("10") && (mr != 0)) tag=("I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend, to the death, your right to say it. - Voltaire")
56
57if (hr == ("11") && (mr == 0)) tag=("Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.")
58
59if (hr == ("11") && (mr != 0)) tag=("YOUR opinions and way of expression to any people not close to you, will sooner or later stand as statements for the entire population you represent. - Tom Kjeldsen")
60
61if (hr == ("12") && (mr == 0)) tag=("J'aime celui qui rêve l'impossible - I like those who dream the impossible ones. - Goethe")
62
63if (hr == ("12") && (mr != 0)) tag=("The real world does not just exist. It's solely being real and formed by the action YOU decide to do next. - Tom Kjeldsen")
64
65if (hr == ("13") && (mr == 0)) tag=("A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.")
66
67if (hr == ("13") && (mr != 0)) tag=("There is no such thing as public opinion. There is only published opinion. - Winston Churchill")
68
69if (hr == ("14") && (mr == 0)) tag=("Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.")
70
71if (hr == ("14") && (mr != 0)) tag=("An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field. - Niels Bohr")
72
73if (hr == ("15") && (mr == 0)) tag=("There's too much blood in my caffeine system.")
74
75if (hr == ("15") && (mr != 0)) tag=("By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail. - Benjamin Franklin")
76
77if (hr == ("16"))
78
79tag=("Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.")
80
81if (hr == ("17"))
82
83tag=("Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.")
84
85if (hr == ("18"))
86
87tag=("I can't talk, baby, I've got no more blood in my brain.")
88
89if (hr == ("19"))
90
91tag=("I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape somewhere.")
92
93if (hr == ("20"))
94
95tag=("Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them? - Abraham Lincoln")
96
97if (hr == ("21"))
98
99tag=("Base 8 is just like base 10, if you are missing two fingers. - Tom Lehrer ")
100
101if (hr == ("22"))
102
103tag=("Disclaimer: Any errors in spelling, tact, or fact are transmission errors. ")
104
105if (hr == ("23"))
106
107tag=("On a clear disk you can seek forever. - Denning")
108
109if (hr == ("24"))
110
111tag=("Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.")
112
113if (hr == ("25"))
114
115tag=("There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.")
116
117if (hr == ("25"))
118
119tag=("Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.")
120
121if (hr == ("26"))
122
123tag=("Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.")
124
125if (hr == ("27"))
126
127tag=("I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.")
128
129if (hr == ("28"))
130
131tag=("Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.")
132
133if (hr == ("29"))
134
135tag=("I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.")
136
137if (hr == ("30"))
138
139tag=("If only women came with pull-down menus and online help.")
140
141if (hr == ("31"))
142
143tag=("Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.")
144
145if (hr == ("32"))
146
147tag=("Credo quia absurdum est - I believe it because it is absurd")
148
149if (hr == ("33"))
150
151tag=("He who asks a question is a fool for a minute; he who does not remains a fool forever. - Chinese Proverb")
152
153if (hr == ("34"))
154
155tag=("Failure is only the opportunity to more intelligently begin again. - Henry Ford")
156
157if (hr == ("35"))
158
159tag=("Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.")
160
161if (hr == ("36"))
162
163tag=("I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.")
164
165if (hr == ("37"))
166
167tag=("Have you heard about the new SuperComputer? It's so fast, it executes an infinite loop in 6 seconds.")
168
169if (hr == ("38"))
170
171tag=("All generalizations are false, including this one.")
172
173if (hr == ("39"))
174
175tag=("Successful people are always looking for opportunities to help others. Unsuccessful people are always asking, 'What's in it for me?' - Brian Tracy")
176
177if (hr == ("40"))
178
179tag=("EASY TO INSTALL: Difficult to install, but instruction manual has pictures.")
180
181if (hr == ("41"))
182
183tag=("APATHY ERROR: Don't bother striking any key.")
184
185if (hr == ("42"))
186
187tag=("Computer and car salesmen differ in that the latter know when they are lying.")
188
189if (hr == ("43"))
190
191tag=("The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them into the impossible. - Arthur C. Clarke")
192
193if (hr == ("44"))
194
195tag=("90% of all statistics are made up")
196
197if (hr == ("45"))
198
199tag=("A man needs a good memory after he has lied.")
200
201if (hr == ("46"))
202
203tag=("A little work, a little sleep, a little love and it is all over.")
204
205if (hr == ("47"))
206
207tag=("A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.")
208
209if (hr == ("48"))
210
211tag=("Happiness is an attitude of mind, born of the simple determination to be happy under all outward circumstances. J. Donald Walters")
212
213if (hr == ("49"))
214
215tag=("The best way to cheer yourself up is to cheer somebody else up - Mark Twain")
216
217if (hr == ("50"))
218
219tag=("We are going to fight until hell freezes over, and then we're going to fight on the ice.")
220
221if (hr == ("51"))
222
223tag=("Every program is a part of some other program, and rarely fits. ")
224
225if (hr == ("52"))
226
227tag=("Never forget: 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.")
228
229if (hr == ("53"))
230
231tag=("Machine-independent programs: Does not run on any existing machine.")
232
233if (hr == ("54"))
234
235tag=("One man's constant is another man's variable. - Perlis")
236
237if (hr == ("55"))
238
239tag=("The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and usually, the programmer.")
240
241if (hr == ("56"))
242
243tag=("COINCIDENCE happens.")
244
245if (hr == ("57"))
246
247tag=("The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.")
248
249if (hr == ("58"))
250
251tag=("When I examine myself and my methods of thought, I come to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy has meant more to me than my talent for absorbing positive knowledge. - Albert Einstein")
252
253if (hr == ("59"))
254
255tag=("When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us. - Alexander Graham Bell")
256
257return tag
258
259/* Dooley.dk - wise word per second generator */
260
261}
262