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1<!--]--></ul></div></nav><!--]--></header><!--]--></div></div></div></div><main class="relative"><div><div class="relative size-full z-container bg-primary"><div class="pt-[calc(min(5vh,5em)+3em)] lg:pt-[calc(min(5vh,5em)+5em)] pb-[min(5vh,5em)] pl-[clamp(1em,4vw,2.5em)] sm:pl-[7.5vw] lg:pl-[min(10vw,10rem)] pr-[clamp(1em,4vw,2.5em)] sm:pr-[7.5vw] lg:pr-[min(10vw,10rem)] size-full mx-auto max-w-9xl"><!--[--><div class="max-w-4xl mx-auto"><div class="mb-6 max-h-[50vh]"><img src="https://assets.netl.io/media/lucas/Letter_writing.jpeg" alt="Sheet of writing paper and 3 pens" width="1153" height="1200" loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="size-full mx-auto object-contain rounded-2xl max-h-[50vh]"></div><div><div class="font-body inline-flex rounded-full border font-semibold bg-accent border-accent text-light px-4 py-1.5 text-sm mb-3"><!--[-->Adoption Reflections<!--]--></div><h1 class="font-headings font-normal tracking-tight text-balance text-[#FAF3DD] text-5xl xl:text-6xl mb-3"><!--[-->Letterbox contact: Why is it so hard?<!--]--></h1><!----><!----></div></div><!--]--></div></div><div class="relative size-full z-container bg-light"><div class="py-[min(5vh,5rem)] pt-[min(5vh,5rem)] pb-[min(5vh,5em)] pl-[clamp(1em,4vw,2.5em)] sm:pl-[7.5vw] lg:pl-[min(10vw,10rem)] pr-[clamp(1em,4vw,2.5em)] sm:pr-[7.5vw] lg:pr-[min(10vw,10rem)] size-full mx-auto max-w-9xl"><!--[--><div class="max-w-4xl mx-auto"><div class="prose max-w-4xl font-body prose-headings:font-headings prose-headings:font-normal marker:text-accent prose-p:mb-6 prose-a:underline prose-img:mx-auto prose-img:mb-0 prose-figcaption:text-center text-lg text-dark/90 prose-headings:text-dark prose-strong:text-dark prose-blockquote:text-dark prose-a:text-dark"><p>Letterbox is a part of most people&rsquo;s adoption story. It&rsquo;s the system which facilitates an exchange of letters and other things like drawings, photos and cards, between adopters and birth parents, on behalf of the adopted child. It&rsquo;s administered by social workers, and fully anonymised.&nbsp;</p>
2<p>For myself as an adoptive mum, it&rsquo;s a twice-yearly commitment to write a letter and attempt to provide an update to our child&rsquo;s birth family on how he&rsquo;s doing, what he&rsquo;s achieving, and generally that he is happy and healthy.&nbsp;</p>
3<p>It&rsquo;s a hard letter to write. Every single time. I battle with providing reassurance that he is well loved and taken care of, while not trying to suggest we are taking better care of him than they ever could. I share milestones in his life to let them know he is growing and developing well, while appreciating that this could also serve to highlight all that they are missing to those no longer in his day-to-day life.&nbsp;</p>
4<p>In normal circumstances, I find it very easy to talk about my child, to tell everyone I know all about his latest foibles, games, obsessions and achievements. I am a proud parent, and share these kinds of things with almost everyone I talk to. But when it comes to sharing this information with the other people who love my child as much as we do, it enters another space.</p>
5<p>To maintain the required level of confidentiality, no locations or dates or details at all are included, and so the whole thing lacks nuance, and the personal element. This all translates into a letter which often sounds to me like I&rsquo;ve written it for a child, rather than simply about one. There is no room for humour or irony &ndash; and crucially, I came to realise when I interrogated why this letter is so difficult to write &ndash; any kind of connection between the writer and recipient. We have never met, and our only common ground is a child who is no longer the infant they remember, and we never knew our growing child to be.&nbsp;</p>
6<p>To try and help with these letters, I have read around what birth families have said they enjoy hearing, or want to know more about. First and foremost, the consistent arrival of the letters confirms in itself that the recent news story they might have heard about the tragic accident suffered by, for example, an eight-and-a-half year old girl with red-gold hair is not their child. The prevailing thinking is that you can never say that the child is safe, well, taken care of and settled too many times, so this is something I start and end my letters with every time. In one article I read a birth mum noted that when she read the words &ldquo;how are you?&rdquo; in a letterbox letter she had felt that the writer really meant this as an enquiry and cared about the answer, so even though I have never met them, I made sure to include this kind of question and language in my next letter.&nbsp;</p>
7<p>The letters sound repetitive though. As much as daily life with our son is ever-changing, sharing six months of updates and information turns out to be both daunting in its huge scope, and hard to pinpoint things of real importance and worthy of sharing when I sit down to do it. I&rsquo;ve recently started to make a note of things I think will be good to include when they happen, to make sure I don&rsquo;t forget them, and to give me a headstart on the next letter &ndash; even when it&rsquo;s as much as five-and-a-half months away yet.&nbsp;</p>
8<p>I also question myself about how much I am willing to give in these letters. Do I feel reticent to share too much, to truly share our child with them? In adoption, the fact that there are other people out there who love our child as their own as much as we do is the very starting point, and ever-present thereafter. But while they remain like shadowy, flat figures written about on forms, perhaps featuring in a few bad photos, its easier to push them to the fringes of busy fam
8ily life. Once I&rsquo;m writing a letter directly to them, they move closer and into the light. They take on the full three dimensions and become parents again, wanting nothing more than to know everything they possibly can about this child. It&rsquo;s hard sometimes, as an adopter, to be selfless and generous with my child. After all, he&rsquo;s my child. Not only my child, but I am his loving, protective, nurturing and caring mother. Being able to share that most important of roles with someone else is not easy.&nbsp;</p>
9<p>By questioning myself about this though, I go back over the letters and ask myself if I could share a bit more here, bring this section alive a bit more with some further info, and try my very best to edit myself and challenge my own level of protectiveness as his parent. I&rsquo;m not sure I am very successful at it, but at least I try. Maybe, just maybe, the next letter will come out sounding a bit less repetitive though, and perhaps even be a bit easier to write&hellip;&nbsp;</p></div></div><!--]--></div></div><div><div class="relative size-full z-container bg-light"><div class="pb-[min(5vh,5em)] pl-[clamp(1em,4vw,2.5em)] sm:pl-[7.5vw] lg:pl-[min(10vw,10rem)] pr-[clamp(1em,4vw,2.5em)] sm:pr-[7.5vw] lg:pr-[min(10vw,10rem)] size-full mx-auto max-w-9xl"><!--[--><div class="max-w-4xl mx-auto"><div class="relative pb-4"><div class="absolute inset-0 flex items-center"><div class="w-full border-b border-dark/30"></div></div><div class="relative flex justify-center"><p class="text-2xl font-headings font-normal text-dark bg-light px-4 mb-3 bg-light px-4 mb-3"><!--[-->Comments<!--]--></p></div></div><div class="mb-6 space-y-4 sm:mb-12"><!--[--><!--]--><div class="prose max-w-4xl font-body prose-headings:font-headings prose-headings:font-normal marker:text-accent prose-p:mb-6 prose-a:underline prose-img:mx-auto prose-img:mb-0 prose-figcaption:text-center text-sm text-dark/90 prose-headings:text-dark prose-strong:text-dark prose-blockquote:text-dark prose-a:text-dark my-6"><!--[--><i>There are no comments yet, be the first to comment...</i><!--]--></div></div><div class="relative pb-4"><div class="absolute inset-0 flex items-center"><div class="w-full border-b border-dark/30"></div></div><div class="relative flex justify-center"><p class="text-2xl font-headings font-normal text-dark bg-light px-4 mb-3 bg-light px-4 mb-3"><!--[-->Leave a comment<!--]--></p></div></div><div><!--[--><div class="prose max-w-4xl font-body prose-headings:font-headings prose-headings:font-normal marker:text-accent prose-p:mb-6 prose-a:underline prose-img:mx-auto prose-img:mb-0 prose-figcaption:text-center text-sm text-dark/90 prose-headings:text-dark prose-strong:text-dark prose-blockquote:text-dark prose-a:text-dark"><!--[-->Your comment will first need to be approved before it is visible.<!--]--></div><!----><div><form id="blog-comments"><div class="font-body"><!--[--><div><!----><!----><!----><div><input id="name" type="text" name="name" class="block w-full rounded-md p-3 caret-accent bg-white my-4 focus:outline-hidden border-none text-lg placeholder-primary ring-1 ring-primary/30 focus:ring-accent" placeholder="Your Name" required></div></div><div><div><textarea id="comment" name="comment" placeholder="Your Comment" required rows="4" class="block w-full rounded-md p-3 caret-accent my-4 focus:outline-hidden border-none bg-white text-lg placeholder-primary ring-1 ring-primary/30 focus:ring-accent"></textarea></div><!----><!----><!----></div><!--]--></div><div class="hidden"><input name="mobile" type="checkbox" value="1" tabIndex="-1" autoComplete="false"><input type="submit" value="Subscribe"></div><div class="flex justify-end mb-2"><div class="cf-turnstile" id="turnstile-blog-comments"></div></div><div><button type="submit" class="w-full transition-all cursor-pointer hover:brightness-90 font-body font-semibold disabled:hover:cursor-not-allowed inline-flex items-center justify-center rounded-full border whitespace-nowrap bg-accent border-white text-white px-6 sm:px-8 py-2.5 text-base w-full" value="Send"><!--[-->Send<!--]--></button></div></form><!----></div><!--]--></div></div><!--]--></div></div></div></div></main></div><footer><div class="relative"><div class="relative bg-dark"><div class="relative size-full z-container"><div class="py-[min(5vh,5rem)] pt-[min(5vh,5rem)] pb-[min(5vh,5em)] pl-[clamp(1em,4vw,2.5em)] sm:pl-[7.5vw] lg:pl-[min(10vw,10rem)] pr-[clamp(1em,4vw,2.5em)] sm:pr-[7.5vw] lg:pr-[min(10vw,10rem)] size-full mx-auto max-w-9xl"><!--[--><div class="flex flex-col items-center justify-between lg:gap-6 lg:flex-row"><div class="lg:order-2"><!----></div><div class="mt-4 lg:order-1 lg:mt-0 text-light uppercase font-headings"><p class="text-center lg:text-start"> © Copyright Rob Lucas and Eve Lucas 2026 | Created by <a href="https://websites.troubador.co.uk" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="underline hover:text-accent transition-all"> Troubador Publishing </a> | <a href="https://netl.io" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="underline hover:text-accent transition-all"> Powered by Netlio </a></p><p class="lg:inline text-center lg:text-left hover:text-accent transition-all"><a href="/privacy-policy" class="">Privacy Policy</a></p></div></div><!--]--></div></div></div></div></footer></div><div style="display:none;" class="fixed z-fixed right-0 bottom-0 w-auto p-4"><div class="bg-primary rounded-lg border border-light/50 shadow-sm p-4 w-full sm:max-w-md"><div class="prose max-w-4xl font-body prose-headings:font-headings prose-headings:font-normal marker:text-accent prose-p:mb-6 prose-a:underline prose-img:mx-auto prose-img:mb-0 prose-figcaption:text-center text-lg text-light/90 prose-headings:text-light prose-strong:text-light prose-blockquote:text-light prose-a:text-light"><!--[--><div><p>
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