https://socialvibes.io/assets/JulieKyhnWhatDoYouDoIfYouFeelLeftOut-DaLNq6GG.js

1import{j as e,K as a}from"./index-drdGdBhi.js";import{Q as l}from"./QuoteBlock-Cat4kVg8.js";import{P as r}from"./PageMeta-D-jqwyA9.js";import{A as h}from"./JsonLd-DUZrHLAd.js";import{R as o}from"./RevealImage-CQuG8mTt.js";import{A as c}from"./ArticleLayout-jvLtHBEi.js";import{A as d}from"./ArticleCTA-CQW2LoW8.js";import{h as s}from"./udenfor-hero-BrchgP3N.js";import{s as u}from"./udenfor-samtale-BX-JNb7C.js";import{s as m}from"./udenfor-steps-en-CRd7OepJ.js";import{B as p}from"./book-open-BL8M5WPZ.js";import{C as y}from"./clock-CPL5SXl4.js";import{E as t}from"./external-link-D8_t58o6.js";import"./quote-CIyjtPj9.js";import"./arrow-right-BAaBYDX1.js";const n="/insights/loneliness/julie-kyhn-what-do-you-do-if-you-feel-left-out",i="2026-04-14",J=()=>e.jsxs(e.Fragment,{children:[e.jsx(r,{title:"Julie Kyhn Answers: What Do You Do If You Feel Left Out?",description:"What do you do when you feel left out? Julie Kyhn shares perspectives on rejection, loneliness, self-protection, and the first small steps back towards connection and belonging.",canonical:n,titleTemplate:"Julie Kyhn Answers: What Do You Do If You Feel Left Out? | Social Vibes"}),e.jsx(h,{title:"Julie Kyhn Answers: What Do You Do If You Feel Left Out?",description:"Feeling left out can stay with you deeply. Here, Julie Kyhn explains why it hurts so much, why many people withdraw, and what a gentle first step back might look like.",url:n,datePublished:i,authorName:"Social Vibes",image:s}),e.jsxs(c,{title:"Julie Kyhn Answers: What Do You Do If You Feel Left Out?",pillar:"loneliness",publishedAt:i,author:{name:"Social Vibes",role:"Expert series with Julie Kyhn"},heroImage:s,heroCaption:"It can hurt to be close to other people without feeling that you belong.",className:"article-left-out",children:[e.jsxs("div",{className:"mb-10 flex flex-wrap items-center gap-3 text-xs text-muted-foreground not-prose",children:[e.jsxs("span",{className:"inline-flex items-center gap-1.5 rounded-full bg-accent/10 px-3 py-1 text-accent font-medium",children:[e.jsx(p,{size:12}),"Loneliness"]}),e.jsxs("span",{className:"inline-flex items-center gap-1.5",children:[e.jsx(y,{size:12}),"5–7 min. read"]})]}),e.jsx("p",{className:"text-lg leading-relaxed text-foreground/90 font-medium",children:"Feeling left out can hurt more than people often realise."}),e.jsx("p",{children:"Not only in the moment, but long afterwards. For many people, it does not remain just a social experience. It also settles in the body, in self-worth, and in the expectations they carry into new relationships. You may begin holding back. Withdrawing. Reading new situations through old experiences."}),e.jsxs("p",{children:["In this article, Julie Kyhn responds to a question many people carry alone: ",e.jsx("em",{children:"What do you do if you feel left out?"})]}),e.jsx("h2",{children:"Why Does It Hurt So Much to Feel Left Out?"}),e.jsx("p",{children:"It hurts because it is rarely only about one single situation."}),e.jsx("p",{children:"As Julie Kyhn points out, it is often also about what gets activated inside you. If you have previously been excluded from a community, spoken to harshly, or rejected, the feeling of standing outside can touch something deeper than the moment itself."}),e.jsx("p",{children:"This is also supported by research. Studies on social exclusion and peer rejection suggest that being left out can be linked to greater social withdrawal, lower wellbeing, and increased vulnerability over time."}),e.jsx("h2",{children:"Is It Normal to Withdraw When You Feel Left Out?"}),e.jsx("p",{children:"Yes, very much so."}),e.jsx("p",{children:"This is actually one of the most important points in Julie Kyhn's perspective: when people shut down, it is not necessarily because they do not want other people. It can also be because they are trying to protect themselves from being hurt again."}),e.jsx("p",{children:"If you have felt rejection before, it makes sense that you become more cautious. You may say less. Stop taking initiative. Leave earlier. Put on your headphones. From the outside, it may look like distance. From the inside, it can be a way of protecting yourself."}),e.jsx("div",{className:"my-12 not-prose",children:e.jsx(l,{text:"It is not only about being able to smile and seem open. It is very much about understanding why you feel the way you do.",author:"Julie Kyhn",role:"Child and youth therapist, trauma therapist, and wellbeing consultant",variant:"bordered"})}),e.jsx("h2",{children:"Does That Mean There Is Something Wrong With You?"}),e.jsx("p",{children:"No."}),e.jsx("p",{children:"It is important to say that clearly. Feeling left out is not proof that there is something wrong with you. But it can very easily start to feel that way."}),e.jsx("p",{children:"Julie Kyhn emphasises that it does not make sense to see the person as the problem. It makes more sense to look at the experiences and patterns behind the feeling."}),e.jsxs("p",{children:["This is also why shame often plays a role. When you feel rejected or overlooked, it can quickly turn into thoughts like: ",e.jsx("em",{children:"There must be something wrong with me. I do not fit in. I am not worth choosing."})," Research also points to shame as an important link between social wounds and psychological distress."]}),e.jsx("h2",{children:"What Is the First Thing You Should Do?"}),e.jsx("p",{children:"Julie Kyhn would not begin by saying that you simply need to smile more or pull yourself together."}),e.jsx("p",{children:"Instead, she says something much more important: it is not only about being able to smile and seem open. It is also about understanding why you feel the way you do."}

1),e.jsx("p",{children:"That is why the first step is often not changing your whole social life all at once. The first step may simply be stopping and asking yourself:"}),e.jsxs("ul",{children:[e.jsx("li",{children:"What is it that hurts so much here?"}),e.jsx("li",{children:"Does this situation remind me of something I have experienced before?"}),e.jsx("li",{children:"What am I trying to protect myself from?"}),e.jsx("li",{children:"When did I start holding back more?"})]}),e.jsx("p",{children:"That does not make the feeling disappear immediately. But it can make it more understandable."}),e.jsx("h2",{children:"What If You Long for Belonging, but Are Also Afraid of It?"}),e.jsx("p",{children:"That is very common."}),e.jsx("p",{children:"Julie Kyhn describes how children and young people can long for friendship and community, while also being so shaped by earlier experiences that they no longer dare to enter those spaces in the same way. She mentions, for example, that when young people experience rejection on social media, they can lose the desire to even go back onto that platform again."}),e.jsx("p",{children:"That tells us something important: people do not always avoid contact because they do not want it. Sometimes they avoid it because contact has become associated with risk."}),e.jsxs("figure",{className:"my-10 not-prose",children:[e.jsx("div",{className:"overflow-hidden rounded-2xl",children:e.jsx(o,{src:u,alt:"Two women in a warm conversation, symbolising safe contact, support, and genuine connection.",className:"w-full aspect-[2/1] object-cover",loading:"lazy",decoding:"async"})}),e.jsx("figcaption",{className:"mt-3 text-center text-xs text-muted-foreground",children:"Safe contact does not need to be grand. Sometimes it starts simply by being present."})]}),e.jsx("h2",{children:"So What Can You Actually Do?"}),e.jsx("p",{children:"This is where Julie Kyhn's perspective becomes gently practical."}),e.jsx("p",{children:"She points out that the way back does not need to begin with something big. It can begin with very small steps: standing somewhere slightly different, going down to the canteen, taking off your headphones, asking one small question, or showing up a little more openly even while still feeling nervous."}),e.jsx("p",{children:"What matters is not that it feels easy. What matters is that it is small enough to be possible."}),e.jsx("p",{children:"A possible first step could be:"}),e.jsxs("ul",{children:[e.jsx("li",{children:"staying in a situation a little longer than usual"}),e.jsx("li",{children:"making contact in a low-intensity situation"}),e.jsx("li",{children:"noticing when you automatically start to shut down"}),e.jsx("li",{children:"telling someone you trust how you are actually feeling"})]}),e.jsx("figure",{className:"my-10 not-prose mx-auto max-w-md",children:e.jsx("div",{className:"overflow-hidden rounded-2xl",children:e.jsx(o,{src:m,alt:"Graphic with five first steps if you feel left out: take the feeling seriously, ask what the situation is triggering in you, notice when you start to shut down, choose a small social step, and talk to someone if the feeling is overwhelming.",className:"w-full object-contain",loading:"lazy",decoding:"async"})})}),e.jsx("h2",{children:"Does Starting Small Really Help?"}),e.jsx("p",{children:"Yes, often it does."}),e.jsx("p",{children:"Julie Kyhn describes how small changes can make a meaningful difference precisely because they interrupt the pattern of shutting down completely. When young people discover that they can tolerate a little more contact, a little more nervousness, and a little more social exposure, it can gradually change their sense of what is possible."}),e.jsx("p",{children:"Research on social anxiety and peer functioning also suggests that relationship quality, rejection, and social experiences are closely linked. That means small positive social experiences can also matter over time."}),e.jsx("h2",{children:"When Should You Reach Out for More Help?"}),e.jsx("p",{children:"If the feeling of being left out is very strong, lasts for a long time, or begins affecting your daily life, sleep, self-worth, or desire to be around other people, it is a good idea to reach out."}),e.jsx("p",{children:"That could be to:"}),e.jsxs("ul",{children:[e.jsx("li",{children:"a friend"}),e.jsx("li",{children:"a parent"}),e.jsx("li",{children:"a student counsellor"}),e.jsx("li",{children:"a teacher"}),e.jsx("li",{children:"a mentor"}),e.jsx("li",{children:"a therapist or another kind of professional support"})]}),e.jsx("p",{children:"That is not a failure. It is a way of taking yourself seriously."}),e.jsx("h2",{children:"What Is the Most Important Thing to Remember?"}),e.jsx("p",{children:"That it makes sense that you react the way you do."}),e.jsx("p",{children:"Feeling left out can settle deeply, and it is not strange if you have become more careful. But that does not mean you are wrong, or that belonging is not for you."}),e.jsx("p",{children:"It may simply mean that you need to begin somewhere else. More gently. More understandingly. More at your own pace."}),e.jsx("p",{children:"And sometimes, that is exactly where something new can begin."}),e.jsx(a,{lang:"en"}),e.jsx("div",{className:"my-14 not-prose",children:e.jsxs("details",{className:"group rounded-2xl border border-border/30 bg-card/30 backdrop-blur-sm",children:[e.jsx("summary",{className:"cursor-pointer px-6 py-4 text-sm font-semibold text-foreground

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