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80 81 82 83 <style type='text/css'>html, body, div { 84 background-color: #FFFFFF; 85 font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; 86 font-weight: normal; 87 font-style: normal; 88 font-size: 14px; 89 color: #222222; 90 background-color: #; 91 letter-spacing: 0px; 92 line-height: 17px; 93 text-decoration: none; 94} 95.lightbox, .lightbox-inner-wrapper { 96 background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.9); 97} 98.navigation-chunk { 99 padding-top: 24px; 100 padding-right: 24px; 101 padding-bottom: 28px; 102 padding-left: 24px; 103} 104.navigation-chunk.horizontal .navigation-element { 105 margin: 0 6px; 106} 107.navigation-chunk.horizontal .navigation-element:first-child { 108 margin-left: 0; 109} 110.navigation-chunk.vertical .navigation-element { 111 margin: 6px 0; 112} 113.navigation-chunk.vertical .navigation-element:first-child { 114 margin-top: 0; 115} 116.outer-wrapper { 117 padding-top: 24px; 118 padding-right: 200px; 119 padding-bottom: 24px; 120 padding-left: 24px; 121} 122.navigation-chunk .nav-el-content { 123 font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; 124 font-weight: normal; 125 font-style: normal; 126 font-size: 14px; 127 color: #7B8085; 128 background-color: #; 129 letter-spacing: 0px; 130 line-height: 24px; 131 text-decoration: underline; 132} 133.navigation-chunk a.nav-el-content { 134 font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; 135 font-weight: normal; 136 font-style: normal; 137 font-size: 14px; 138 color: #222222; 139 background-color: #; 140 letter-spacing: 0px; 141 line-height: 17px; 142 text-decoration: none; 143} 144.navigation-chunk a.nav-el-content:hover { 145 font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; 146 font-weight: normal; 147 font-style: normal; 148 font-size: 14px; 149 color: #4CA8FF; 150 background-color: #; 151 letter-spacing: 0px; 152 line-height: 17px; 153 text-decoration: none; 154} 155 156@media only screen and (min-width : 601px) { 157.page-element { 158 margin-bottom: 24px; 159 margin-bottom:first-child: 0; 160} 161.container.horizontal .page-element:last-child .element-inner-wrapper { 162 margin-right: 200px; 163} 164.lightbox.nav-fixed { 165 padding: 24px 112px; 166} 167 168} 169 170 171@media only screen and (max-width : 600px) { 172#mobile-nav-wrapper .mobile-header .toggle-wrapper a svg g { 173 stroke: #7B8085; 174} 175ul#mobile-nav li div.navigation-element a { 176 color: #222222; 177} 178ul#mobile-nav li div.navigation-element span { 179 color: #7B8085; 180} 181#mobile-nav-wrapper { 182 background-color: #FFFFFF; 183} 184 185} 186 187</style> 188 189 190 </head> 191 192 <body class="vertical sequence near mobile-vertical nav-fixed nav-rails-none near-rail-absent far-rail-absent"> 193 194 <!-- 195 196 Site built on xhbtr.com 197 198 --> 199 200 <div id='mobile-nav-wrapper'> 201 <div class='mobile-header'> 202 <div class='toggle-wrapper'> 203 <a href='#'> 204 <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 100 100"> 205 <g fill="none" stroke="#000" stroke-linecap="butt" stroke-width="8"> 206 <line x1="0" y1="12" x2="100" y2="12" id="top"></line> 207 <line x1="0" y1="50" x2="100" y2="50" id="middle"></line> 208 <line x1="0" y1="88" x2="100" y2="88" id="bottom"></line> 209 </g> 210 </svg> 211 </a> 212 </div> 213 </div> 214 <ul id='mobile-nav'> 215 <li><div class='navigation-element'><a class='nav-el-content' href=/contact>â</a></div></li><li><div class='navigation-element'><a class='nav-el-content' href=/the-disappearance-of-my-testicles-and-other-such-mysteries-regarding-motherhood>motherhood</a></div></li><li><div class='navigation-element'><a class='nav-el-content current' href=/dead-horse-radio>Dead Horse Radio</a></div></li> 216 </ul> 217</div> 218 219 220<div class='standard-layout-wrapper vertical sequence near mobile-vertical nav-fixed nav-rails-none near-rail-absent far-rail-absent'> 221 <div class='fixed-navigation-section bottom-right vertical'> <div class='navigation-chunk horizontal bottom-right'> 222 <div class='navigation-element'><a class='nav-el-content' href=/contact>â</a></div> 223 </div> 224</div><div class='fixed-navigation-section top-right vertical'> <div class='navigation-chunk vertical top-right'> 225 <div class='navigation-element'><a class='nav-el-content' href=/the-disappearance-of-my-testicles-and-other-such-mysteries-regarding-motherhood>motherhood</a></div><div class='navigation-element'><a class='nav-el-content current' href=/dead-horse-radio>Dead Horse Radio</a></div> 226 </div> 227</div> 228 <div id='outer-wrapper' class='outer-wrapper vertical sequence near mobile-vertical nav-fixed nav-rails-none near-rail-absent far-rail-absent'> 229 <div id='container' class='container vertical sequence near' data-gutter-between='24px'> 230 231 232 233 234 235 <div id="page-el-709464" data-x="10" data-y="10" data-size="80" class="page-element text-block " > 236 <div class="element-outer-wrapper text-block"> 237 <div class="element-inner-wrapper text-block"> 238 <i>*** <a href="https://157-230-49-132.sslip.io/radio.mp3">listen here</a> ***</i> 239 </div> 240 </div> 241 </div> 242 243 244 245 246 247 <div id="page-el-709467" data-x="10" data-y="10" data-size="80" class="page-element text-block " > 248 <div class="element-outer-wrapper text-block"> 249 <div class="element-inner-wrapper text-block"> 250 <p>Dead Horse Radio</p> 251<p><br></p> 252<p><br></p> 253<p>White haired goddess, one of those barefooted timeless hippies, dancing at my side, as a couple hundred <i>Deadheads</i> lounged on picnic blankets behind me, watching me wiggle my butt. I was one of those toddlers, unencumbered by embarrassment that would color my cheeks rosy now. Itâs a pity that I require cajoling by my friends, maybe a bit of alcohol, to simply dance as I did, not even naked.</p> 254<p><br></p> 255<p>My mother was a fan of the <i>Grateful Dead</i>, she used to play their <i>American Beauty</i> cassette in the car or around the house, and I would get goosebumps when she would faintly whisper the last two lines of the outro to <i>âBox of Rainâ</i>:</p> 256<p><br></p> 257<p><br></p> 258<p><i>Such a long, long time to be gone</i></p><i> 259</i><p><i>And a short time to be here</i></p> 260<p><br></p> 261<p><br></p> 262<p>It might be my favorite song of all time, I love it dearly. Since then, I have read that Phil scored the melody, during his time comforting his father in the final days of cancer.</p> 263<p><br></p> 264<p>Growing older, I can relate, for the steady giants that raised me have begun to falter before my eyes, scary news each year, and it dawns on me, that in my depressive naval gazing, I hadnât considered that other people would die before me, grandparents yes, thatâs a given, but â but not the adults (the real ones).</p> 265<p><br></p> 266<p>
266Such a mundane fear, that comes with the realization that you wonât be leaving the party early in the manner of a rock star, but rather, have to stay till the end, to help with the cleanup, and deal with that awkward ache. I donât know what to do in those situations, as I shuffle from foot to foot as guests begin making their way towards the door.</p> 267<p><br></p> 268<p>There was a documentary released the year I was born, <i>âLessons from a Calfâ</i>. When I got around to watching it, I was moved to tears when the elementary students held a mourning ceremony for the stillborn calf that the cow they had raised gave birth to. In that moment, I felt failed by all those around me, never given the tools needed to navigate grief. I wondered how those children were fairing now, nearly a decade older than me, their parents, aunts, uncles, and their friends passing these days.</p> 269<p><br></p> 270<p>Long story short, I buried a newborn deer in a steel sarcophagus in the shape of an orb. There are several types of microphones embedded within and around her, transmitting the sounds of her decay, as the bugs feast, to an online radio. I have been listening to this station each night as I lay in bed, conjuring images of myself growing into a tree.</p> 271<p><br></p> 272<p>Initially, I intended to find a newborn foal, to name this nine month track the <i>âGrate-foal Deadâ</i>, Iâm laughing to myself as I write this, itâs silly I know. I have settled on a <i>Muntjac Deer</i>, my friends and I came across her on our drive home after England beat Norway.</p> 273<p><br></p> 274<p>Anyways, this bootleg therapeutic device, it's doing me good, and maybe, if you suffer from a similar affliction, it could do the same for you.</p> 275<p><br></p> 276<p><br></p> 277<p>With much love,</p> 278<p>umico</p><div><br></div> 279 </div> 280 </div> 281 </div> 282 283 284 285 286 287 <div id="page-el-709776" data-prefix="http://images.xhbtr.com/v2/uploads/images/709776/xhbtr_182d2568-8540-4246-a82b-13e5cdc3b2b7" data-suffix="jpeg" data-originalwidth="2997" data-aspectratio="1.7978404319136172" data-x="10" data-y="10" data-size="80" class="page-element image "> 288 <div class="element-inner-wrapper image" > 289 <img class="srcNotLoaded" src="" /> 290 <div class="image-caption caption"> 291 292 </div> 293 </div> 294 </div> 295 296 297 298 299 300 <div id="page-el-709466" data-prefix="http://images.xhbtr.com/v2/uploads/images/709466/xhbtr_5c24dcc3-21a8-4833-9508-a369b21777cd" data-suffix="jpeg" data-originalwidth="1680" data-aspectratio="1.0" data-x="10" data-y="10" data-size="80" class="page-element image "> 301 <div class="element-inner-wrapper image" > 302 <img class="srcNotLoaded" src="" /> 303 <div class="image-caption caption"> 304 305 </div> 306 </div> 307 </div> 308 309 310 311 312 313 <div id="page-el-709777" data-prefix="http://images.xhbtr.com/v2/uploads/images/709777/xhbtr_81d4913a-006e-4ff3-aa3e-4babd464bc84" data-suffix="jpeg" data-originalwidth="2998" data-aspectratio="1.7349537037037037" data-x="10" data-y="10" data-size="80" class="page-element image "> 314 <div class="element-inner-wrapper image" > 315 <img class="srcNotLoaded" src="" /> 316 <div class="image-caption caption"> 317 318 </div> 319 </div> 320 </div> 321 322 323 324 325 326 <div id="page-el-709780" data-prefix="http://images.xhbtr.com/v2/uploads/images/709780/xhbtr_d8f66248-45c0-463f-adf8-4125b95f7fc4" data-suffix="jpeg" data-originalwidth="2997" data-aspectratio="1.740418118466899" data-x="10" data-y="10" data-size="80" class="page-element image "> 327 <div class="element-inner-wrapper image" > 328 <img class="srcNotLoaded" src="" /> 329 <div class="image-caption caption"> 330 331 </div> 332 </div> 333 </div> 334 335 336 337 338 339 <div id="page-el-709779" data-prefix="http://images.xhbtr.com/v2/uploads/images/709779/xhbtr_e51cb474-ec71-42fc-a7fb-560505fdddde" data-suffix="jpeg" data-originalwidth="2998" data-aspectratio="1.794135248354279" data-x="10" data-y="10" data-size="80" class="page-element image "> 340 <div class="element-inner-wrapper image" > 341 <img class="srcNotLoaded" src="" /> 342 <div class="image-caption caption"> 343 344 </div> 345 </div> 346 </div> 347 348 349 350 351 352 <div id="page-el-709778" data-prefix="http://images.xhbtr.com/v2/uploads/images/709778/xhbtr_c68ffca9-5e5c-426c-b21d-b0d63f4b679d" data-suffix="jpeg" data-originalwidth="2402" data-aspectratio="1.500312304809494" data-x="10" data-y="10" data-size="80" class="page-element image "> 353 <div class="element-inner-wrapper image" > 354 <img class="srcNotLoaded" src="" /> 355 <div class="image-caption caption"> 356 357 </div> 358 </div> 359 </div> 360 361 362 363 364 365 <div id="page-el-709635" data-prefix="http://images.xhbtr.com/v2/uploads/images/709635/xhbtr_3beb8b0e-3bec-45bb-9a4f-3b14bf2102e8" data-suffix="jpeg" data-originalwidth="159" data-aspectratio="1.325" data-x="10" data-y="10" data-size="80" class="page-element image "> 366 <div class="element-inner-wrapper image" > 367 <img class="srcNotLoaded" src="" /> 368 <div class="image-caption caption"> 369 370 </div> 371 </div> 372 </div> 373 374 375 376 377 378 <div id="page-el-709782" data-x="10" data-y="10" data-size="80" class="page-element text-block " > 379 <div class="element-outer-wrapper text-block"> 380 <div class="element-inner-wrapper text-block"> 381 a million trillion thank youâs to:<br>wysing arts center for letting me go forward with this insane project<br>lottie poulet for imbuing me with so much sound knowledge<br>H Page for being a sorcerer of coding and saving me from going insane<br>Maeva Totolehibe for helping me bring the deer back in the dead of night<br>and various friends for keeping me company as I dug dug dug 382 </div> 383 </div> 384 </div> 385 386 387 388 </div> 389 </div> 390 391</div> 392 393 394<div class='lightbox vertical sequence near nav-fixed '> 395 <div class='lightbox-inner-wrapper'> 396 397 <!-- TODO --> 398 399 <div id="lb-el-709464" class="page-element text-block " > 400 <div class="element-outer-wrapper text-block"> 401 <div class="element-inner-wrapper text-block"> 402 <i>*** <a href="https://157-230-49-132.sslip.io/radio.mp3">listen here</a> ***</i> 403 </div> 404 </div> 405 </div> 406 407 <!-- TODO --> 408 409 <div id="lb-el-709467" class="page-element text-block " > 410 <div class="element-outer-wrapper text-block"> 411 <div class="element-inner-wrapper text-block"> 412 <p>Dead Horse Radio</p> 413<p><br></p> 414<p><br></p> 415<p>White haired goddess, one of those barefooted timeless hippies, dancing at my side, as a couple hundred <i>Deadheads</i> lounged on picnic blankets behind me, watching me wiggle my butt. I was one of those toddlers, unencumbered by embarrassment that would color my cheeks rosy now. Itâs a pity that I require cajoling by my friends, maybe a bit of alcohol, to simply dance as I did, not even naked.</p> 416<p><br></p> 417<p>My mother was a fan of the <i>Grateful Dead</i>, she used to play their <i>American Beauty</i> cassette in the car or around the house, and I would get goosebumps when she would faintly whisper the last two lines of the outro to <i>âBox of Rainâ</i>:</p> 418<p><br></p> 419<p><br></p> 420<p><i>Such a long, long time to be gone</i></p><i> 421</i><p><i>And a short time to be here</i></p> 422<p><br></p> 423<p><br></p> 424<p>It might be my favorite song of all time, I love it dearly. Since then, I have read that Phil scored the melody, during his time comforting his father in the final days of cancer.</p> 425<p><br></p> 426<p>Growing older, I can relate, for the steady giants that raised me have begun to falter before my eyes, scary news each year, and it dawns on me, that in my depressive naval gazing, I hadnât considered that other people would die before me, grandparents yes, thatâs a given, but â but not the adults (the real ones).</p> 427<p><br></p> 428<p>
428Such a mundane fear, that comes with the realization that you wonât be leaving the party early in the manner of a rock star, but rather, have to stay till the end, to help with the cleanup, and deal with that awkward ache. I donât know what to do in those situations, as I shuffle from foot to foot as guests begin making their way towards the door.</p> 429<p><br></p> 430<p>There was a documentary released the year I was born, <i>âLessons from a Calfâ</i>. When I got around to watching it, I was moved to tears when the elementary students held a mourning ceremony for the stillborn calf that the cow they had raised gave birth to. In that moment, I felt failed by all those around me, never given the tools needed to navigate grief. I wondered how those children were fairing now, nearly a decade older than me, their parents, aunts, uncles, and their friends passing these days.</p> 431<p><br></p> 432<p>Long story short, I buried a newborn deer in a steel sarcophagus in the shape of an orb. There are several types of microphones embedded within and around her, transmitting the sounds of her decay, as the bugs feast, to an online radio. I have been listening to this station each night as I lay in bed, conjuring images of myself growing into a tree.</p> 433<p><br></p> 434<p>Initially, I intended to find a newborn foal, to name this nine month track the <i>âGrate-foal Deadâ</i>, Iâm laughing to myself as I write this, itâs silly I know. I have settled on a <i>Muntjac Deer</i>, my friends and I came across her on our drive home after England beat Norway.</p> 435<p><br></p> 436<p>Anyways, this bootleg therapeutic device, it's doing me good, and maybe, if you suffer from a similar affliction, it could do the same for you.</p> 437<p><br></p> 438<p><br></p> 439<p>With much love,</p> 440<p>umico</p><div><br></div> 441 </div> 442 </div> 443 </div> 444 445 446<div id="lb-el-709776" data-prefix="http://images.xhbtr.com/v2/uploads/images/709776/xhbtr_182d2568-8540-4246-a82b-13e5cdc3b2b7" data-suffix="jpeg" data-originalwidth="2997" data-aspectratio="1.7978404319136172" class="page-element image "> 447 <div class="element-inner-wrapper image"> 448 <img alt="" class="srcNotLoaded" src="" /> 449 </div> 450 451 <div class="image-caption"> 452 </div> 453</div> 454 455 456 457<div id="lb-el-709466" data-prefix="http://images.xhbtr.com/v2/uploads/images/709466/xhbtr_5c24dcc3-21a8-4833-9508-a369b21777cd" data-suffix="jpeg" data-originalwidth="1680" data-aspectratio="1.0" class="page-element image "> 458 <div class="element-inner-wrapper image"> 459 <img alt="" class="srcNotLoaded" src="" /> 460 </div> 461 462 <div class="image-caption"> 463 </div> 464</div> 465 466 467 468<div id="lb-el-709777" data-prefix="http://images.xhbtr.com/v2/uploads/images/709777/xhbtr_81d4913a-006e-4ff3-aa3e-4babd464bc84" data-suffix="jpeg" data-originalwidth="2998" data-aspectratio="1.7349537037037037" class="page-element image "> 469 <div class="element-inner-wrapper image"> 470 <img alt="" class="srcNotLoaded" src="" /> 471 </div> 472 473 <div class="image-caption"> 474 </div> 475</div> 476 477 478 479<div id="lb-el-709780" data-prefix="http://images.xhbtr.com/v2/uploads/images/709780/xhbtr_d8f66248-45c0-463f-adf8-4125b95f7fc4" data-suffix="jpeg" data-originalwidth="2997" data-aspectratio="1.740418118466899" class="page-element image "> 480 <div class="element-inner-wrapper image"> 481 <img alt="" class="srcNotLoaded" src="" /> 482 </div> 483 484 <div class="image-caption"> 485 </div> 486</div> 487 488 489 490<div id="lb-el-709779" data-prefix="http://images.xhbtr.com/v2/uploads/images/709779/xhbtr_e51cb474-ec71-42fc-a7fb-560505fdddde" data-suffix="jpeg" data-originalwidth="2998" data-aspectratio="1.794135248354279" class="page-element image "> 491 <div class="element-inner-wrapper image"> 492 <img alt="" class="srcNotLoaded" src="" /> 493 </div> 494 495 <div class="image-caption"> 496 </div> 497</div> 498 499 500 501<div id="lb-el-709778" data-prefix="http://images.xhbtr.com/v2/uploads/images/709778/xhbtr_c68ffca9-5e5c-426c-b21d-b0d63f4b679d" data-suffix="jpeg" data-originalwidth="2402" data-aspectratio="1.500312304809494" class="page-element image "> 502 <div class="element-inner-wrapper image"> 503 <img alt="" class="srcNotLoaded" src="" /> 504 </div> 505 506 <div class="image-caption"> 507 </div> 508</div> 509 510 511 512<div id="lb-el-709635" data-prefix="http://images.xhbtr.com/v2/uploads/images/709635/xhbtr_3beb8b0e-3bec-45bb-9a4f-3b14bf2102e8" data-suffix="jpeg" data-originalwidth="159" data-aspectratio="1.325" class="page-element image "> 513 <div class="element-inner-wrapper image"> 514 <img alt="" class="srcNotLoaded" src="" /> 515 </div> 516 517 <div class="image-caption"> 518 </div> 519</div> 520 521 522 <!-- TODO --> 523 524 <div id="lb-el-709782" class="page-element text-block " > 525 <div class="element-outer-wrapper text-block"> 526 <div class="element-inner-wrapper text-block"> 527 a million trillion thank youâs to:<br>wysing arts center for letting me go forward with this insane project<br>lottie poulet for imbuing me with so much sound knowledge<br>H Page for being a sorcerer of coding and saving me from going insane<br>Maeva Totolehibe for helping me bring the deer back in the dead of night<br>and various friends for keeping me company as I dug dug dug 528 </div> 529 </div> 530 </div> 531 532 </div> 533</div> 534 535 536 537 538 </body> 539</html> 540
Line numbers count LF bytes from the start of the resource, as the search results do. Vendor segments are library code the classifier recognised; they are stored but not indexed. Bytes are shown as Latin1 characters, one per byte.