1<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 3.2 Final//EN"> 2 3<HTML> 4<HEAD> 5<META NAME="description" CONTENT="Updated 7/28/2000! You've ''seen'' them. Maybe on a sign at the ''grocery'' store, maybe in an ad in your ''local'' newspaper. Even in a ''memo'' that circulated throughout your company. They're quotation marks, and they turn up in the strangest of places. Such as..."> 6<META NAME="keywords" CONTENT="quotation marks, quote, unquote, gallery, misused, grammar, bad grammar, Maaco, Sleepys, WWWAC, World Wide Web Artists Consortium"> 7 <META HTTP-EQUIV="Expires" CONTENT="Wed, 01 Jan 1990 00:00:01 GMT"> 8 <META HTTP-EQUIV="Pragma" CONTENT="no-cache"> 9 10<TITLE>Gallery of ''Misused'' Quotation Marks</TITLE> 11</HEAD> 12 13<BODY BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#330066" LINK="#FF0080" VLINK="#800000" ALINK="#00FFFF"> 14 15<!-- 16<CENTER> 17<A HREF="http://www.cdnow.com/from=sr-829968"><IMG SRC="http://gs.cdnow.com/MN/cdnow.buyweb_credit/upgrade/graphics/xswfb_468x60.gif" WIDTH="468" HEIGHT="60" BORDER="0" ALT="CDnow"></A> 18<BR> 19<FONT SIZE="-1">Show your "support" for the Gallery! Click <a HREF="http://www.cdnow.com/from=sr-829968">here</a> to shop at CDnow and the Curator earns credit!</FONT> 20<BR> 21</CENTER> 22 --> 23 <BR> 24<TABLE WIDTH="100%" BORDER="0" CELLSPACING="0" CELLPADDING="5" ALIGN="CENTER"> 25<TR> 26<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 27<FONT FACE="Verdana, Helvetica, Arial" SIZE="-1"><B>A Yahoo <A HREF="http://www.yahoo.com/Entertainment/Cool_Links/Entertainment/">Cool "Link"</A></B> 28<BR> 29<BR> 30<B>Some people think this is a "<A HREF="http://www.theweirdsite.com">Weird Site</A>!"</B> 31</FONT> 32</TD> 33<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="CENTER" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 34<H1 ALIGN="CENTER">The Gallery Of "Misused" Quotation Marks</H1> 35</TD> 36</TR> 37<TR> 38<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 39<FONT FACE="Verdana, Helvetica, Arial" SIZE="-1"> 40<B>"Featured" on <A HREF="http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/weblinks/hln/">Headline News and/or CNN</A>!</B> 41<BR><BR> 42<B>"As heard" on <A HREF="http://www.internetminute.com/">Internet Minute</A></B></FONT> 43<BR><BR> 44<FONT FACE="Verdana, Helvetica, Arial" SIZE="-1">You've <B>"</B>seen<B>"</B> 45them. 46<BR> 47<BR> 48Maybe on a sign at the <B>"</B>grocery<B>"</B> store, maybe in an ad in your <B>"</B>local<B>"</B> newspaper. Perhaps even in a <B>"</B>memo<B>"</B> that circulated throughout your company. 49<BR> 50<BR> 51They're quotation marks, and they turn up in the strangest of places. 52<BR><BR> 53</FONT> 54 55<!-- <FONT FACE="Verdana, Helvetica, Arial" SIZE="-1">Tired of checking for new donations day after day (week after week, month after month)? Use <A HREF="#nmform">this handy form</A> and get an automatic e-mail whenever the page changes! 56<BR><BR> 57 58 59I enjoy all the comments I receive, even though I'm very rarely able to respond to them. (You can e-mail me at <A HREF="mailto:qmarks at juvalamu dot com">qmarks at juvalamu dot com</A>.) My favorite e-mails are the ones from people who take time out of their very busy lives to chastise me for obviously not having a life of my own since I spend so much time worrying about quotation marks. One of these days I'll put up some of the particularly "choice" remarks. (But I've got to get all the donations up first!) 60</FONT> 61 --> 62</TD> 63<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 64<CENTER><IMG SRC="images/galleryplan.gif" WIDTH=421 HEIGHT=242 ALT="" BORDER=0 USEMAP="#galmap"> 65<BR> 66[ <A HREF="#current">"Current" Exhibits</A> ] [ <A HREF="perm.html">Permanent "Collection"</A> ] [ <A HREF="donate.html">Donation "Rotunda"</A> ]</CENTER> 67<BR> 68<MAP NAME="galmap"> 69<AREA SHAPE="RECT" COORDS="42,36,275,123" HREF="#current" ALT="Curent Exhibits"> 70<AREA SHAPE="RECT" COORDS="80,126,219,207" HREF="donate.html" ALT="Donation Rotunda"> 71<AREA SHAPE="RECT" COORDS="222,127,404,206" HREF="perm.html" ALT="Permanent Collection"> 72</MAP> 73<BR> 74<A NAME="current"></A> 75<H2 ALIGN="CENTER">C u r r e n t E x h i b i t s</H2> 76<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I><STRONG>
76Notes from the <A HREF="mailto:qmarks at juvalamu dot com">curator</A>: </STRONG>August 25, 2000 - Over 10 new "exhibits" just added! That makes 60+ exhibits added since July 28! I'm sheepishly pleased to report that the donation backlog is down to 14 months, and I'm continuing to work through it. 77<BR><BR> 78The rest of this message is essentially unchanged from July 28. 79<BR><BR> 80Welcome <A HREF="http://www.etour.com" TARGET="_new">eTour</A> and Swedish visitors! I've noticed a lot of folks visiting via the eTour site and also by following a link on this <A HREF="http://www.translator.se/pages/avigsidan/avigt002a.html" TARGET="_new">Swedish site</A>. <BR><BR> 81I get a lot of e-mail from people suggesting that I add a section for misused apostrophes. Sorry, folks, but it's not going to happen. First of all, the reason I started this site almost four years ago was because I was at once amused and mystified by the peculiar usage of quotation marks. Misused apostrophes usually aren't that funny; they're just annoying. Even if I wanted to do such a site, I just don't have the time (especially since apostrophe misuse is much more widespread, I think, than misused quotation marks). A friend of mine has been thinking of doing a misused apostrophe site, so if he ever does I'll let you know. In the meantime, you may want to take a look at <A HREF="http://www.nuff.ox.ac.uk/Users/Martin/APOST/Apostrop.htm">The Home For Abused Apostrophes</A> -- not a lot there, but high quality choices. 82<BR><BR> 83Now, enough "ranting" -- on to the latest additions...</I> 84<BR><BR> 85<DIV ALIGN="center"><HR WIDTH="60%"></DIV> 86</TD> 87</TR> 88<!-- BEGIN LINKEXCHANGE CODE 89<TR> 90<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 91<IMG SRC="../images/sep.gif" WIDTH=1 HEIGHT=1 ALT="" BORDER="0"></TD> 92<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 93<CENTER><iframe src="http://leader.linkexchange.com/1/X507630/showiframe?" width=468 height=60 frameborder=1 scrolling=no> 94<a href="http://leader.linkexchange.com/1/X507630/clickle" target="_top"><img width=468 height=60 border=0 ismap alt="" src="http://leader.linkexchange.com/1/X507630/showle?"></a> 95</iframe> 96<br> 97<a href="http://leader.linkexchange.com/1/X507630/clicklogo" target="_top"><img src="http://leader.linkexchange.com/1/X507630/showlogo?" width=468 height=16 border=0 ismap alt=""><br><font size=1>LinkExchange "Member"</font></a> 98<br></CENTER> 99</TD> 100</TR> 101END LINKEXCHANGE CODE --> 102</TABLE> 103<TABLE WIDTH="100%" BORDER="0" CELLSPACING="0" CELLPADDING="5" ALIGN="CENTER"> 104<TR> 105<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 106<H2><TT>exhibit 9906.13</TT></H2> 107<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 108</TD> 109<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 110<BR> 111<DL> 112<DD> 113This was on a homemade <B>sign at a flea market</B>: 114<BR> 115<TT>all swimsuits are clean and </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>sanitized</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> 116<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>At least they're clean!</I> 117</DL> 118</TD> 119</TR> 120 121<TR> 122<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 123<H2><TT>exhibit 9906.12</TT></H2> 124<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 125</TD> 126<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 127<BR> 128<DL> 129<DD> 130I saw this bizzare <B>sign at the watch repair center</B> of a local department store: 131<BR> 132<TT>Orders ready</TT><BR> 133<TT>in SEVEN </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>7</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><BR> 134<TT> -- days.</TT> 135<BR> 136As if misused quotes weren't bad enough, they had to write the seven twice and add the dash for no apprarent reason!! 137<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>A day here, a day there, before you know it a "week" has gone by.</I> 138</DL> 139</TD> 140</TR> 141 142<TR> 143<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 144<H2><TT>exhibit 9906.11</TT></H2> 145<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 146</TD> 147<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 148<BR> 149<DL> 150<DD> 151Seen <B>on a van</B> this morning: 152<BR> 153<TT>Casa Bonita. Taking care of your </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>beautiful house</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> 154<BR> 155Yeah, they must have seen my house lately. 156<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>Maybe, just maybe, they put "beautiful house" in quotation marks because it's the translation of Casa Bonita. But maybe not.</I> 157</DL> 158</TD> 159</TR> 160 161<TR> 162<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 163<H2><TT>exhibit 9906.10</TT></H2> 164<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 165</TD> 166<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 167<BR> 168<DL> 169<DD> 170<B>Sign on friend's front door</B>: 171<BR> 172<TT>Doorbell </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>out of order.</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> Please </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>knock</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> or </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>rattle</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> letterbox.</TT> 173 174<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>Is your friend wondering why nobody comes to visit anymore?</I> 175</DL> 176</TD> 177</TR> 178 179<TR> 180<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 181<H2><TT>exhibit 9906.09</TT></H2> 182<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 183</TD> 184<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 185<BR> 186<DL> 187<DD> 188To pay <B>
188my monthly phone bill</B>, I rip off the bottom of the bill, thoughtfully marked: 189<BR> 190<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>Send</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> 191<BR> 192and keep the top half, marked: 193<BR> 194<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>Keep</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> 195<BR> 196What do you mean you shut off my service? I already "sent" the bill. 197<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>Maybe so, but did you "keep" the money?</I> 198</DL> 199</TD> 200</TR> 201 202<TR> 203<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 204<H2><TT>exhibit 9906.08</TT></H2> 205<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 206</TD> 207<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 208<BR> 209<DL> 210<DD> 211The <B>sign by the deposit drawer</B> outside my bank says: 212<BR> 213<TT>Please </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>Do Not</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> deposit cash.</TT> 214<BR> 215I wonder if this is why my checks always bounce? 216<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>If you deposit cash anyway I'm sure your account will be "credited."</I> 217</DL> 218</TD> 219</TR> 220 221<TR> 222<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 223<H2><TT>exhibit 9906.07</TT></H2> 224<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 225</TD> 226<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 227<BR> 228<DL> 229<DD> 230An <B>ad for a Disney movie screening and stage show</B> at the El Capitan Theater in Hollywood mentioned that the show would feature: 231<BR> 232<TT>the</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>mighty</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> Wurlitzer pipe organ</TT> 233<BR> 234Is it me, or do those quotes around "mighty" serve to unwittingly malign the status and performance of their own vintage organ? Thank you, Disney. 235<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>Perhaps old Walt himself once described that organ as "mighty" and since then they've always had to refer to it that way.</I> 236</DL> 237</TD> 238</TR> 239 240<TR> 241<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 242<H2><TT>exhibit 9906.06</TT></H2> 243<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 244</TD> 245<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 246<BR> 247<DL> 248<DD> 249I was driving in northern Minnesota when I saw <B>a billboard for a car dealership</B> that claimed it had been around: 250<BR> 251<TT>since</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>1953</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> 252<BR> 253Perhaps all of their cars were "classics." 254<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>Wait here while I "check" with my manager.</I> 255</DL> 256</TD> 257</TR> 258 259<TR> 260<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 261<H2><TT>exhibit 9906.05</TT></H2> 262<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 263</TD> 264<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 265<BR> 266<DL> 267<DD> 268At Baylor University, home of the Baylor Bears and one or two Branch Davidians, I found <B>a throw rug</B> that alerted people to the following: 269<BR> 270<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>You're in</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> Bear Country</TT> 271<BR> 272It baffles me to this day. Is it an obscure form of second person, like the vosotros tense? A pun on "urine" perhaps? 273<BR> 274As my degree from Baylor is a guaranteed ticket into heaven, I'll ask the Big Guy when I get there, and try to report back. 275<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>I think you mean "report" back.</I> 276</DL> 277</TD> 278</TR> 279 280<TR> 281<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 282<H2><TT>exhibit 9906.04</TT></H2> 283<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 284</TD> 285<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 286<BR> 287<DL> 288<DD> 289I was in a grocery store in my neighbourhood and I saw a <B>cylinder shaped food package</B> called: 290<BR> 291<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>real</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> bacon bits</TT> 292<BR> 293 294<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>Suitable for vegetarians!</I> 295</DL> 296</TD> 297</TR> 298 299<TR> 300<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 301<H2><TT>exhibit 9906.03</TT></H2> 302<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 303</TD> 304<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 305<BR> 306<DL> 307<DD>
308The NJ Transit employee cafeteria once featured a <B>hand made sign on an ice machine</B> that read: 309<BR> 310<TT>Please don't take large buckets of </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>ice</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> from this machine.<BR> 311Go to the other machine in the back. 312</TT> 313<BR> 314Was it ice? Or could it have been shards of "glass"? 315<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>I don't know, but if I were you I'd just go straight to the other machine in the back whenever I needed</I> any <I>ice.</I> 316</DL> 317</TD> 318</TR> 319 320<TR> 321<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 322<H2><TT>exhibit 9906.02</TT></H2> 323<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 324</TD> 325<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 326<BR> 327<DL> 328<DD> 329My mother sent my husband and me <B>a Valentine's Day card</B>. Printed on the front was: 330<BR> 331<TT>To a special daughter and </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>son.</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> 332<BR> 333I'm sure my husband really felt like one of the family after that. 334<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>Sorry, I'm gonna have to side with the Mom on this one.</I> 335</DL> 336</TD> 337</TR> 338 339<TR> 340<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 341<H2><TT>exhibit 9906.01</TT></H2> 342<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 343</TD> 344<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 345<BR> 346<DL> 347<DD> 348A <B>sign at the swimming pool</B> at Reed College in Portland, OR asks you to: 349<BR> 350<TT>Please </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>shower</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> before entering the pool.</TT> 351<BR> 352Maybe they knew that no one bothers with more than a quick rinse. 353<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>I hope they don't get a summons from the Board of "Health."</I> 354</DL> 355</TD> 356</TR> 357 358<TR> 359<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 360<H2><TT>exhibit 9905.11</TT></H2> 361<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 362</TD> 363<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 364<BR> 365<DL> 366<DD> 367Sign on a <B>local grocery store</B>: 368<BR> 369<TT>Welcome to </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>YOUR</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> Hy-Vee</TT> 370<BR> 371I guess it's not really "ours," now is it? 372<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>No, but maybe they won't mind if you borrow it for a little while.</I> 373</DL> 374</TD> 375</TR> 376 377<TR> 378<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 379<H2><TT>exhibit 9905.10</TT></H2> 380<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 381</TD> 382<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 383<BR> 384<DL> 385<DD> 386I saw this <B>at a craft fair</B> that was set up to raise money for the Kosovar refugees. The sign read: 387<BR> 388<TT>All proceeds will go to </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>Kosovo</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> 389<BR> 390<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>Kosovo </I>Texas<I>, that is!</I> 391</DL> 392</TD> 393</TR> 394 395<TR> 396<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 397<H2><TT>exhibit 9905.09</TT></H2> 398<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 399</TD> 400<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 401<BR> 402<DL> 403<DD> 404On one of <B>our comment cards</B>, a customer wrote the following: 405<BR> 406<TT>Laura and Joann are always so very professional and courteous </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>human being</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> 407<TT> type people.</TT> 408<BR> 409<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>Boy, talk about damning with faint praise!</I> 410</DL> 411</TD> 412</TR> 413 414<TR> 415<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 416<H2><TT>exhibit 9905.08</TT></H2> 417<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 418</TD> 419<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 420<BR> 421<DL> 422<DD> 423<B>Sign outside a gas station/mini-mart</B> in Bloomington, IN: 424<BR> 425<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>MILK</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> 426<BR> 427<TT>$1.99</TT> 428<BR> 429(I've always been uneasy with the idea of buying food at the gas station. Now I know why.) 430<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>If your car dies on the highway I'd check out the "gas."</I> 431</DL> 432</TD> 433</TR> 434 435<TR> 436<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 437<H2><TT>exhibit 9905.07</TT></H2> 438<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 439</TD> 440<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 441<BR> 442<DL> 443<DD> 444Saw this one <B>on a freeway in Houston</B>: 445<BR> 446<TT>ROAD </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>WORK</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> AHEAD</TT> 447<BR> 448I'm just surprised they were so honest.<BR> 449<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>And they're sure to finish "on schedule."</I> 450</DL> 451</TD> 452</TR> 453 454<TR> 455<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 456<H2><TT>exhibit 9905.06</TT></H2> 457<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 458</TD> 459<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 460<BR> 461<DL> 462<DD> 463The <B>menu from The Tavern restaurant</B> in Charlottesville, Virginia, informs patrons that: 464<BR> 465<TT> 466All pancakes are served with </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>whipped</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> butter.</TT> 467<BR> 468Elsewhere in the menu the substance is identified variously as "whipped butter" or, more confusingly, "whipped" "butter". 469<BR> 470I wonder if it's "fit for human consumption" or "likely to make me boke." 471<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>Mmmmmm, pancakes!</I> 472</DL> 473</TD> 474</TR> 475 476<TR> 477<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 478<H2><TT>exhibit 9905.05</TT></H2> 479<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 480</TD> 481<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 482<BR> 483<DL> 484<DD> 485Sign at a <B>newly remodeled grocery store</B>: 486<BR> 487<TT>If you need help finding something, one of our </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>friendly</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> associates will be happy to help you.</TT> 488<BR> 489<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>I think they also need to remodel the associates.</I> 490</DL> 491</TD> 492</TR> 493 494<TR> 495<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 496<H2><TT>exhibit 9905.04</TT></H2> 497<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 498</TD> 499<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 500<BR> 501<DL> 502<DD> 503Sticker on the <B>side of a diving board</B>: 504<BR> 505<TT>Check depth before </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>you</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> dive.</TT> 506<BR> 507For divers afflicted with identity crises? 508<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>It's deep enough. No it's not. Yes it is! No it's not!</I> 509</DL> 510</TD> 511</TR> 512 513<TR> 514<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 515<H2><TT>exhibit 9905.03</TT></H2> 516<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 517</TD> 518<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 519<BR> 520<DL> 521<DD> 522My company sent <B>this email</B>: 523<BR> 524<TT>Last night we were announced as </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>The Winner</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> <TT>of the 1999 Champions Program sponsored 525by the local Women's Political Caucus. The award's purpose is </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>Honoring Workplaces that 526Work for Women.</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> Big thanks go to ABC department director, who did </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>all the work</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> and her staff.</TT> 527<BR> 528True email, all I changed was the name of the department to protect the "innocent." 529<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>I'm sure some of the more fastidious Gallery visitors were getting ready to e-mail me to point out that quoting "The Winner" and "Honoring Workplaces That Work for Women" is acceptable. That may be true, but it's the last sentence that warrants this exhibit's inclusion here. I wonder what the director did while the staff was </I>really<I> doing all the work?</I> 530</DL> 531</TD> 532</TR> 533 534<TR> 535<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 536<H2><TT>exhibit 9905.02</TT></H2> 537<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 538</TD> 539<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 540<BR> 541<DL> 542<DD> 543Seen on a <B>sign outside of a grocery store</B>: 544<BR> 545<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>fresh</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> fruit</TT> 546<BR> 547how tempting 548<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>I think I might have to impose a moratorium on donations about "fresh" food, as there are so many of them that they are starting to get, er, "stale."</I> 549</DL> 550</TD> 551</TR> 552 553<TR> 554<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 555<H2><TT>exhibit 9905.01</TT></H2> 556<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 557</TD> 558<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 559<BR> 560<DL> 561<DD>
562I found the following quotation marks in a <B>card shop in Marylebone Station</B> in London: 563<BR> 564<TT>Only </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>2</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> children allowed in the shop at any time.</TT> 565<BR> 566I "love" that one! 567<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>I understand the old woman who lives in a shoe visits there regularly.</I> 568</DL> 569</TD> 570</TR> 571 572<TR> 573<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 574<H2><TT>exhibit 9904.11</TT></H2> 575<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 576</TD> 577<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 578<BR> 579<DL> 580<DD> 581Here's one that got my stomach churning. Seen in a <B>local grocery flyer</B> in Charlotte, NC, the bold proclamation: 582<BR> 583<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>Save Big</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> on</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>Fresh Meats</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>!!</TT> 584<BR> 585Of course, I imagine it's easy to slash prices when you're selling a rotting carcass, eh? 586<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>But not only is the meat not fresh, you're not even saving big.</I> 587</DL> 588</TD> 589</TR> 590 591<TR> 592<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 593<H2><TT>exhibit 9904.11</TT></H2> 594<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 595</TD> 596<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 597<BR> 598<DL> 599<DD> 600There was an <B>art supply store</B> near my house that had a sign on the door that read: 601<BR> 602<TT>Shoplifters </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>will be</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> prosecuted</TT> 603<BR> 604and a sign inside the store near a felt tip pen display that said: 605<BR> 606<TT>If you have </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>opened</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> it then you have </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>bought</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> it.</TT> 607 608<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>The Curator does not encourage or condone illegal activities, but you can probably figure out one way to deal with this situation.</I> 609</DL> 610</TD> 611</TR> 612 613<TR> 614<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 615<H2><TT>exhibit 9904.10</TT></H2> 616<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 617</TD> 618<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 619<BR> 620<DL> 621<DD> 622Seen outside the <B>server room at Union University</B>: 623<BR> 624<TT>PLEASE, AUTHORIZED PERSONELL </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>ONLY</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> 625<BR> 626<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>Party in the server room!!</I> 627</DL> 628</TD> 629</TR> 630 631<TR> 632<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 633<H2><TT>exhibit 9904.09</TT></H2> 634<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 635</TD> 636<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 637<BR> 638<DL> 639<DD> 640There's a <B>sign at a doctor's office</B> in Saint John, NB, Canada which asks you to: 641<BR> 642<TT>Please sign </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>in.</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> 643<BR> 644So what exactly do they want me to sign? 645<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>The sign-in "book," I guess.</I> 646</DL> 647</TD> 648</TR> 649 650<TR> 651<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 652<H2><TT>exhibit 9904.08</TT></H2> 653<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 654</TD> 655<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 656<BR> 657<DL> 658<DD> 659Our local grocery store has this <B>sign above the coffee machine</B>: 660<BR> 661<TT>Only </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>two</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> packets of sugar per customer, please.</TT> 662<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>So not to worry if you have a "sweet" tooth.</I> 663</DL> 664</TD> 665</TR> 666 667<TR> 668<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 669<H2><TT>exhibit 9904.07</TT></H2> 670<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 671</TD> 672<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 673<BR> 674<DL> 675<DD> 676On signs that cover <B>three walls of a billiard hall</B>: 677<BR> 678<TT>Good </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>Boy</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> Billiards</TT> 679<BR> 680<TT>Cafe </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>&</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> Billiards</TT> 681<BR> 682<TT>Cafe </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>&</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> Bar</TT> 683<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>By the time they got to the fourth wall they were out of quotation marks.</I> 684</DL> 685</TD> 686</TR> 687 688<TR> 689<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 690<H2><TT>exhibit 9904.06</TT></H2> 691<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 692</TD> 693<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 694<BR> 695<DL> 696<DD> 697A sign <B>on the door of the Philadelphia International Airport</B> reads 698<BR> 699<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>No dogs</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> 700<BR> 701<TT>Permitted in Terminal</TT> 702<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>Not even "seeing eye dogs?"</I> 703</DL> 704</TD> 705</TR> 706 707<TR> 708<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 709<H2><TT>exhibit 9904.05</TT></H2> 710<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 711</TD> 712<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 713<BR> 714<DL> 715<DD> 716Seen on an <B>ice cream store awning</B> (also painted on their windows) in Ashland, Oregon: 717<BR> 718<TT>BJ's </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>home made</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> ice cream</TT> 719<BR> 720it tasted "delicious," i'm sure. i "bought some." 721<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>I'll bet they actually make it in the back room of the store.</I> 722</DL> 723</TD> 724</TR> 725 726<TR> 727<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 728<H2><TT>exhibit 9904.04</TT></H2> 729<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 730</TD> 731<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 732<BR> 733<DL> 734<DD> 735Seen on a <B>Doylestown, PA cigar shop</B>. Bonus points for the apostrophe misuse. 736<BR> 737<TT>SALE CIGAR'S</TT> 738<BR> 739<TT>19 BRAND'S</TT> 740<BR> 741<TT>BUY ONE GET ONE</TT> 742<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>FREE</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> 743<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>It's never a good sign when you see the word "free" in quotation marks.</I> 744</DL> 745</TD> 746</TR> 747 748<TR> 749<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 750<H2><TT>exhibit 9904.03</TT></H2> 751<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 752</TD> 753<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 754<BR> 755<DL> 756<DD> 757Sign <B>outside a restaurant</B> in Fort Meyers, Florida: 758<BR> 759<TT>The </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>Fish</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> Monger</TT> 760<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>If it had said the Fish "Monger" I probably would have no quarrel with it, since who the heck knows what a monger is in the first place?! (And please, don't bother e-mailing me to show off if you do know what a monger is.)</I> 761</DL> 762</TD> 763</TR> 764 765<TR> 766<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 767<H2><TT>exhibit 9904.02</TT></H2> 768<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 769</TD> 770<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 771<BR> 772<DL> 773<DD> 774<B>Sign in the produce department</B> of a grocery store: 775<BR> 776<TT>Please ring </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>bell</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> for service.</TT> 777<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>So much for this "service" economy I keep hearing about.</I> 778</DL> 779</TD> 780</TR> 781 782<TR> 783<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 784<H2><TT>exhibit 9904.01</TT></H2> 785<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 786</TD> 787<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 788<BR> 789<DL> 790<DD> 791There's a <B>sign in my office</B> that says: 792<BR> 793<TT>DOOR IS LOCKED!</TT> 794<BR> 795<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>PLEASE KNOCK</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> 796<BR> 797and another reading: 798<BR> 799<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>DO NOT</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> OPEN AT ANY TIME</TT> 800<BR> 801Inviting theft, I think... 802<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>Quotation marks: when capital letters just aren't enough.</I> 803</DL> 804</TD> 805</TR> 806 807<TR> 808<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 809<H2><TT>exhibit 9903.12</TT></H2> 810</TD> 811<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 812<BR> 813<DL> 814<DD> 815<I>Just about the only saving grace of the onslaught of spam is the frequent misuse of <B>quotation marks found in the messages</B>, although given the choice I'd gladly forego the junk e-mail since there is no shortage of misused quotation marks in the wild. Here's an example from a spam message I received:</I> 816<BR> 817<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>Melissa Stone.</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> 818<BR> 819<TT>Master Psychic Reader and Advisor</TT> 820<BR> 821. . . <BR> 822<TT>Ask about love, wealth, career, fame, or other subjects that interest you. Melissa Stone</TT> <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>WILL</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> <TT>reveal all!</TT> 823<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>Let's see, so her name's not really Melissa Stone and she can't predict the future. Check and double-check.</I> 824</DL> 825</TD> 826</TR> 827 828<TR> 829<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 830<H2><TT>exhibit 9903.11</TT></H2> 831<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 832</TD> 833<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 834<BR> 835<DL> 836<DD> 837A <B>brochure for an Estee Lauder self tanning product</B> claims that: 838<BR> 839<TT>in about an hour, your skin will turn a natural, healthy looking </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>tan.</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> 840<BR> 841I think the quotes are more for legal reasons than because of a mistake on anyone's part. 842<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>Besides, "a natural, healthy looking 'orange'" just doesn't have the same ring to it.</I> 843</DL> 844</TD> 845</TR> 846 847<TR> 848<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 849<H2><TT>exhibit 9903.10</TT></H2> 850<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 851</TD> 852<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 853<BR> 854<DL> 855<DD> 856A <B>hand-lettered sign in the window</B> of The Hofbrau on Telegraph Avenue in Oakland, CA advertises: 857<BR> 858<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>pork</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> burritos.</TT> 859<BR> 860I'm also interested in the idea that a hofbrau can serve Cali-Mex food
860- maybe they should call it a "hofbrau." 861<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>The least they could do is call them "Schweinefleisch" burritos.</I> 862</DL> 863</TD> 864</TR> 865 866<TR> 867<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 868<H2><TT>exhibit 9903.10</TT></H2> 869<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 870</TD> 871<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 872<BR> 873<DL> 874<DD> 875On the <B>cover of the folder</B> in which the schedules are kept at work, one of the managers wrote: 876<BR> 877<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>Switches must be approved.</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> 878<BR> 879Taking a cue from the donor of exhibit <A HREF="perm9802.html#9802.18">9802.18</A>, I changed it so it now reads: 880<BR> 881"Switches must be approved." --Winston Churchill 882<BR> 883So far only two people have gotten the joke. 884<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>I hope you've switched with them just for good measure.</I> 885</DL> 886</TD> 887</TR> 888 889<TR> 890<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 891<H2><TT>exhibit 9903.09</TT></H2> 892<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 893</TD> 894<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 895<BR> 896<DL> 897<DD> 898Sign in <B>restaurant in Jacksboro, TN</B> lists the vegetables of the day: 899<BR> 900<TT>Corn, fried potatoes, </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>peas</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> and green beans. 901</TT> 902<BR> 903(They also list cottage cheese and macaroni and cheese as vegetables.) 904<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>Clearly that list should be labeled "vegetables" of the day.</I> 905</DL> 906</TD> 907</TR> 908 909<TR> 910<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 911<H2><TT>exhibit 9903.08</TT></H2> 912<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 913</TD> 914<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 915<BR> 916<DL> 917<DD> 918I got this <B>"auto"-reply e-mail</B> from Bizrate.com: 919<BR> 920<TT>Just responding to let you know that a </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>human</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> reads each and every comment to BizRate.com! 921</TT> 922<BR> 923Great! I feel much "better" knowing that. 924<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>Me too. Here I was thinking the e-mail was handled by some kind of robot.</I> 925</DL> 926</TD> 927</TR> 928 929<TR> 930<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 931<H2><TT>exhibit 9903.07</TT></H2> 932<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 933</TD> 934<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 935<BR> 936<DL> 937<DD> 938Seen on a <B>bowling alley lounge door</B>: 939<BR> 940<TT>No One Under Age </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>21</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> Permitted</TT> 941<BR> 942<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>Whoopee, beer for everybody!</I> 943</DL> 944</TD> 945</TR> 946 947<TR> 948<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 949<H2><TT>exhibit 9903.06</TT></H2> 950<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 951</TD> 952<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 953<BR> 954<DL> 955<DD> 956I recently registered to vote in Saratoga county in New York. When my registration was processed, <B>I received a "postcard"</B> with the following "information:"<BR> 957<TT>THIS IS TO NOTIFY YOU THAT YOUR REGISTRATION HAS BEEN RECEIVED AND APPROVED. 958<BR> 959<BR> 960AS YOU DID </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>NOT</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> ENROLL WITH A PARTY OR VOIDED YOUR ENROLLMENT, YOU WILL</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>NOT</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> BE ELIGIBLE TO VOTE AT ANY PRIMARY ELECTION OR SIGN PARTY PETITIONS. 961<BR> 962<BR> 963IF YOU HAVE A </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>VOID</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> ENROLLMENT, CALL OUR OFFICE AND WE WILL SEND YOU A FORM TO CORRECT IT.</TT> 964<BR> 965I'm confused. Which party am I a member of, again? 966<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>I'm telling you, if I ever get all the backlogged donations on the site I'm going to open a "Not" wing. That's got to be the most mis-quotation-marked word ever.</I> 967</DL> 968</TD> 969</TR> 970 971<TR> 972<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 973<H2><TT>exhibit 9903.05</TT></H2> 974<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 975</TD> 976<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 977<BR> 978<DL> 979<DD> 980A local clinic <B>advertised in the paper</B> as follows: 981<BR> 982<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>Prostate Screenings</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> 983<BR>
984I don't know what they're doing and I don't want to know. 985<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>I don't know either but I wonder if it has something to do with all those mega-plex movie theaters that are so popular these days.</I> 986</DL> 987</TD> 988</TR> 989 990<TR> 991<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 992<H2><TT>exhibit 9903.04</TT></H2> 993<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 994</TD> 995<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 996<BR> 997<DL> 998<DD> 999Saw <B>this sign in a liquor store</B> in suburban NJ years ago when I was a kid: 1000<BR> 1001<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>New House</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>For Sale</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> 1002<BR> 1003Back then I thought I was the only one who noticed the weird extra quotation marks. 1004<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>Back then you</I> were <I>the only one who noticed the weird extra quotation marks.</I> 1005</DL> 1006</TD> 1007</TR> 1008 1009<TR> 1010<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 1011<H2><TT>exhibit 9903.03</TT></H2> 1012<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 1013</TD> 1014<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 1015<BR> 1016<DL> 1017<DD> 1018<B>Sign in the deli</B> in the IGA grocery store in Strathmore, Alberta, Canada reads:<BR> 1019<BR> 1020<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>SHREDDED</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><BR> 1021<TT> CHEESE </TT> 1022<BR> 1023<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>Yummmm, nothing I like better than a big wheel of cheese.</I> 1024</DL> 1025</TD> 1026</TR> 1027 1028 1029<TR> 1030<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 1031<H2><TT>exhibit 9903.02</TT></H2> 1032<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 1033</TD> 1034<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 1035<BR> 1036<DL> 1037<DD> 1038<I>(I'm guessing this is<B> from an e-mail</B> received by the donor)</I> 1039<BR> 1040<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>You know who</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> isn't here today. Do you think it's because of me? This is the first </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>entire</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> day he's missed, since I started working here FOUR MONTHS 1041AGO! :(</TT> 1042<BR> 1043<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>Previously "what's-his-name" had only missed "half" a day.</I> 1044</DL> 1045</TD> 1046</TR> 1047 1048 1049<TR> 1050<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 1051<H2><TT>exhibit 9903.01</TT></H2> 1052</TD> 1053<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 1054<BR> 1055<DL> 1056<DD> 1057<I><B>This e-mail</B> was sent around my office:</I> 1058<BR> 1059<TT>>Date: Mon, 1 Mar 1999 12:54:20 -0500<BR> 1060>To: [email protected]<BR> 1061>Subject: If you drove here, read this...<BR> 1062><BR> 1063>Hi all,<BR> 1064><BR> 1065>Trucks carrying computers will be unloading by the Customer<BR> 1066>Service entrance shortly.<BR> 1067><BR> 1068>There is a </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>white</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> Buick Century (plate # UKW 850) that<BR> 1069>is blocking that entrance. If that is your car please move<BR> 1070>it.</TT> 1071<BR> 1072<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>Maybe the owner drove through a lot of mud puddles on the way in that morning.</I> 1073</DL> 1074</TD> 1075</TR> 1076 1077<TR> 1078<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 1079<H2><TT>exhibit 9902.05</TT></H2> 1080<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 1081</TD> 1082<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 1083<BR> 1084<DL> 1085<DD> 1086In our <B>faculty newsletter</B>, captioning a picture of a lecturer with his blushing bride: 1087<BR> 1088<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>Wedded Bliss,</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>
1088 Nicholas and Rachel</TT> 1089<BR> 1090I wonder how long before Rachel has an "affair." 1091<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>Sounds like a newsletter reporter tagged along on the honeymoon</I> 1092</DL> 1093</TD> 1094</TR> 1095 1096<TR> 1097<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 1098<H2><TT>exhibit 9902.04</TT></H2> 1099<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 1100</TD> 1101<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 1102<BR> 1103<DL> 1104<DD> 1105A <B>banner over the entrance</B> of a new condominium complex in Toronto:<BR> 1106<TT>9 </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>Spectacular</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> Suites Still Remaining!</TT> 1107<BR> 1108If they present that much of a "spectacle," I'm not surprised. 1109<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>If they were spectacular instead of "spectacular" they'd have been snapped up months ago.</I> 1110</DL> 1111</TD> 1112</TR> 1113 1114<TR> 1115<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 1116<H2><TT>exhibit 9902.03</TT></H2> 1117<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 1118</TD> 1119<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 1120<BR> 1121<DL> 1122<DD> 1123On the <B>"back" of my Rachmaninoff</B> "3rd" Concerto CD: 1124<BR> 1125<TT>Recorded </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>live</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> at the Tivoli Concert Hall, Copenhagen, November 2nd, 1995.</TT> 1126<BR> 1127What's funny is this particular "recording" of the 3rd has particular emotional "significance" to me. 1128<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>I don't see what the connection is between the misused quotation marks around the word "live" and the emotional significance, funny or otherwise, of that recording but let me just assure you that I "care" deeply.</I> 1129</DL> 1130</TD> 1131</TR> 1132 1133<TR> 1134<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 1135<H2><TT>exhibit 9902.03</TT></H2> 1136<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 1137</TD> 1138<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 1139<BR> 1140<DL> 1141<DD> 1142A <B>sign near a hotel</B> in Regina, Saskatchewan: 1143<BR> 1144<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>Watch</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> for pedestrians</TT> 1145<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>As long as you </I>look<I> like you're watching that'll do.</I> 1146</DL> 1147</TD> 1148</TR> 1149 1150<TR> 1151<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 1152<H2><TT>exhibit 9902.02</TT></H2> 1153<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 1154</TD> 1155<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 1156<BR> 1157<DL> 1158<DD> 1159Saw this <B>sign nailed to a fence</B> on a country road in Southern Louisiana: 1160<BR> 1161<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>OAK</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><BR> 1162<TT>FIREWOOD</TT><BR> 1163<TT>FOR SALE</TT><BR> 1164<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>It's probably that cheap oak veneer firewood.</I> 1165</DL> 1166</TD> 1167</TR> 1168 1169<TR> 1170<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 1171<H2><TT>exhibit 9902.01</TT></H2> 1172<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 1173</TD> 1174<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 1175<BR> 1176<DL> 1177<DD> 1178<B>Hand lettered sign</B> at a local restaurant: 1179<BR> 1180<TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>Sorry</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT></TT> 1181<BR> 1182<TT>No Discounts on Specials</TT> 1183<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>Sure, they're "sorry" all the way to the bank.</I> 1184</DL> 1185</TD> 1186</TR> 1187 1188<TR> 1189<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 1190<H2><TT>exhibit 9901.10</TT></H2> 1191<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 1192</TD> 1193<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 1194<BR> 1195<DL> 1196<DD> 1197Every <B>greeting card that I receive</B> from my Aunt Joan and Uncle Bruce is addressed to <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>John</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> and signed, <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>Aunt Joan & Uncle Bruce.</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> What do they think my real name is? And who are the cards really from? 1198<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>Somehow I doubt that this serial misuse of quotation marks by well-meaning older relatives will be eliminated in my lifetime.</I> 1199</DL> 1200</TD> 1201</TR> 1202 1203<TR> 1204<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 1205<H2><TT>exhibit 9901.09</TT></H2> 1206<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 1207</TD> 1208<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 1209<BR> 1210<DL> 1211<DD> 1212On the <B>wall of San Juan Bautista mission</B>, just south of Gilroy, California: 1213<BR> 1214<TT>San Juan Bautista Mission is <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>not</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> financially supported by the state of California.</TT> 1215<BR> 1216My quotation of the sign is not verbatim -- send out an all-points bulletin to bring in the exact wording. 1217<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>Anyone else been to the San Juan Bautista mission lately?</I> 1218</DL> 1219</TD> 1220</TR> 1221 1222<TR> 1223<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 1224<H2><TT>exhibit 9901.08</TT></H2> 1225<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 1226</TD> 1227<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 1228<BR> 1229<DL> 1230<DD> 1231A <B>flyer for a snow removal company</B> included this promise: 1232<BR> 1233<TT>Enrollment now will ensure your </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>automatic snow removal.</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> 1234<BR> 1235<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>
1235Their service will come in handy on those days when the weatherman predicts "flurries."</I> 1236</DL> 1237</TD> 1238</TR> 1239 1240<TR> 1241<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 1242<H2><TT>exhibit 9901.07</TT></H2> 1243<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 1244</TD> 1245<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 1246<BR> 1247<DL> 1248<DD> 1249Off a <B>packet of English crisps</B> (potato chips to you): 1250<BR> 1251<TT>Seabrooks <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>crinkle cut</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> crisps - they're <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>more</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> than a <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>snack</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>!</TT> 1252<BR> 1253<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>I wonder if that exciting copy is helping their "sales"?</I> 1254</DL> 1255</TD> 1256</TR> 1257 1258<TR> 1259<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 1260<H2><TT>exhibit 9901.06</TT></H2> 1261<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 1262</TD> 1263<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 1264<BR> 1265<DL> 1266<DD> 1267My first year law school class has produced a <B>class t-shirt</B> with the following slogan printed on the back: 1268<BR> 1269<TT>Maintaining </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>Honor & Integrity</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> in the Legal Profession.</TT> 1270<BR> 1271Arrgh! Needless to say, I did not buy one. 1272<BR> 1273<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>[Insert your own favorite lawyer joke here.]</I> 1274</DL> 1275</TD> 1276</TR> 1277 1278<TR> 1279<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 1280<H2><TT>exhibit 9901.05</TT></H2> 1281<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 1282</TD> 1283<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 1284<BR> 1285<DL> 1286<DD> 1287Hockey great Bernie "Boom Boom" Geoffrion <B>signs his name</B> thusly: 1288<BR> 1289<TT>Boom </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>Boom</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> Geoffrion</TT> 1290<BR> 1291<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>It's true, <A HREF="http://www.joyofhockey.com/BoomBoomGeoffrion.html" TARGET="_new">see for yourself!</A> I guess he's getting on in years and losing some of his "boom."</I> 1292</DL> 1293</TD> 1294</TR> 1295 1296<TR> 1297<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 1298<H2><TT>exhibit 9901.04</TT></H2> 1299<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 1300</TD> 1301<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 1302<BR> 1303<DL> 1304<DD> 1305From the <B>Editor's letter</B> in the January 1999 issue of NTexplorer magazine: 1306<BR> 1307<TT>We had a massive response to last months [sic] prize offering of Windows NT 1308Terminal Server - the </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>lucky</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> readers who will each receive a copy are...</TT> 1309<BR> 1310<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>Perhaps the editor was making an "unwitting" editorial comment.</I> 1311</DL> 1312</TD> 1313</TR> 1314 1315<TR> 1316<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 1317<H2><TT>exhibit 9901.03</TT></H2> 1318<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 1319</TD> 1320<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 1321<BR> 1322<DL> 1323<DD> 1324"Help!" <B>This web page</B> has an amusing "proliferation" of unecessary 1325quote marks: <A HREF="http://www.unicure.com/about.htm" TARGET="_new">http://www.unicure.com/about.htm</A>. For example: 1326<BR> 1327<TT>The product worked ... One treatment was enough ..... </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>Instant Results</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> 1328<BR> 1329<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>Hoo-boy! This whole site is a "goldmine" of misused quotation marks and then some. Don't miss the <A HREF="http://www.unicure.com/helpful_hints_for_men.htm">Helpful Hints For Men</A>!</I> 1330</DL> 1331</TD> 1332</TR> 1333 1334<TR> 1335<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 1336<H2><TT>exhibit 9901.02</TT></H2> 1337<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 1338</TD> 1339<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 1340<BR> 1341<DL> 1342<DD> 1343From Birmingham, England: In a pub, advertising its <B>annual Christmas lottery</B>: 1344<TT>Yes it's here </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>AGAIN!</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> 1345<BR> 1346So Christmas comes but once a century? 1347<BR> 1348<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>Or maybe it's not really here.</I> 1349</DL> 1350</TD> 1351</TR> 1352 1353<TR> 1354<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 1355<H2><TT>exhibit 9901.01</TT></H2> 1356<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 1357</TD> 1358<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 1359<BR> 1360<DL> 1361<DD> 1362Seen on the back of a <B>sample of Kellogg's<SUP><FONT SIZE="-1">TM</FONT></SUP> Smart Start<SUP>®
1362</SUP></B> cereal: 1363<BR> 1364<TT>Official </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>Cereal</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>of the New York City Marathon 1998!</TT> 1365<BR> 1366How do you classify "cereal" in a weight-watchers program? 2 1/2 "carbohydrates"?? 1367<BR> 1368<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>I can think of a lot of other cereals that are more deserving of being called "cereal." Shredded Wheat, for example.</I> 1369</DL> 1370</TD> 1371</TR> 1372 1373<TR> 1374<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 1375<H2><TT>exhibit 9812.09</TT></H2> 1376<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 1377</TD> 1378<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 1379<BR> 1380<DL> 1381<DD> 1382At the church I "attend" a <B>recent bulletin</B> announced:<BR> 1383<TT>post-service </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>prime rib</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> dinner, followed by a concert!</TT> 1384<BR> 1385Makes me wonder what they were really feeding those people... 1386<BR> 1387<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>Sub-prime flank steak, I guess.</I> 1388</DL> 1389</TD> 1390</TR> 1391 1392<TR> 1393<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 1394<H2><TT>exhibit 9812.08</TT></H2> 1395<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 1396</TD> 1397<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 1398<BR> 1399<DL> 1400<DD> 1401A <B>sign on a water cooler</B> in my office reads:<BR> 1402<TT>This is </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>NOT</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> a drain!</TT> 1403<BR> 1404<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>So don't "pour" anything into it!</I> 1405</DL> 1406</TD> 1407</TR> 1408 1409<TR> 1410<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 1411<H2><TT>exhibit 9812.07</TT></H2> 1412<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 1413</TD> 1414<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 1415<BR> 1416<DL> 1417<DD> 1418This also a yahoo cool link, mind you! i found it at <B>www.3dom.com/worry.htm</B>. <I>[Curator's note: this site now seems to be defunct.]</I> It reads (and i quote):<BR> 1419<BR> 1420<TT>Please be aware that </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>thoughts</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> of suicide are quite common and normal, one can hardly choose to live without the option of dying. </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>Thoughts</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> that someone else should drop dead (and you should help them) are also common and not a cause for undue worry.</TT> 1421<BR> 1422<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>Did I "say" that or just "think" it?</I> 1423</DL> 1424</TD> 1425</TR> 1426 1427<TR> 1428<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 1429<H2><TT>exhibit 9812.06</TT></H2> 1430<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 1431</TD> 1432<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 1433<BR> 1434<DL> 1435<DD> 1436A <B>sign at a restaurant</B> in Novi, MI:<BR> 1437<BR> 1438<TT>Have Breakfast with </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>Santa</TT>.<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> 1439<BR> 1440<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>Geez, way to tip off the kiddies about the whole Santa thing.</I> 1441</DL> 1442</TD> 1443</TR> 1444 1445<TR> 1446<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 1447<H2><TT>exhibit 9812.05</TT></H2> 1448</TD> 1449<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 1450<BR> 1451<DL> 1452<DD> 1453<I>Someone where I work sent out this <B>update on food and office services</B></I>: 1454<BR><BR> 1455<TT>Hopefully the capaccino [sic] machine will be available Friday Dec 11th approximate cost is $.50 per
1455cup. Also we should have several copies of the morning paper available. <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>Ice Cream</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> service is available today. Watch those calories.</TT> 1456<BR> 1457<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>Yeah, you don't want to get "fat."</I> 1458</DL> 1459</TD> 1460</TR> 1461 1462<TR> 1463<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 1464<H2><TT>exhibit 9812.04</TT></H2> 1465<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 1466</TD> 1467<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 1468<BR> 1469<DL> 1470<DD> 1471A few weeks ago, I noticed <B>a sign posted in my dorm</B>:<BR> 1472<BR> 1473<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>Flu Shot</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><BR> 1474<TT>If any of you are not already on the list and would like to be protected from the </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>flu</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> this year, please </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>sign up.</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> 1475<BR> 1476I couldn't help but wonder what the shot was really for, and how to get it. 1477<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>I'd be even more nervous if it said the injection would be administered to your "arm."</I> 1478</DL> 1479</TD> 1480</TR> 1481 1482<TR> 1483<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 1484<H2><TT>exhibit 9812.03</TT></H2> 1485<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 1486</TD> 1487<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 1488<BR> 1489<DL> 1490<DD> 1491This is from <B>an adoption website</B>. This poor girl might be waiting a while:<BR> 1492<BR> 1493<TT>Jenny is of small stature for her age. She has a friendly smile, and is very expressive. She is 1494an </TT> <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>adorable</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> child. Jenny is very friendly and outgoing. She enjoys being with people.</TT> 1495<BR> 1496<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>Sounds like a blind date I once had.</I> 1497</DL> 1498</TD> 1499</TR> 1500 1501<TR> 1502<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 1503<H2><TT>exhibit 9812.02</TT></H2> 1504<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 1505</TD> 1506<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 1507<BR> 1508<DL> 1509<DD> 1510Our <B>local pub in McKeesport, PA</B> (outside Pittsburgh) has some unusual "offerings" as well as some misused quotations, such as:<BR> 1511<BR> 1512<TT>Fish Sandwich </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>Haddock</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>; </TT> 1513<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>Polish Style</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> Halushki; </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>Ho-Baked Rolls and Bread</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> for sale.</TT> 1514<BR> 1515We're not sure what's really "cookin'" back there, but we're always certain to skip the "special sauce". 1516<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>Good idea, especially when it comes to those "Ho-Baked Rolls."</I> 1517</DL> 1518</TD> 1519</TR> 1520 1521<TR> 1522<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 1523<H2><TT>exhibit 9812.01</TT></H2> 1524<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 1525</TD> 1526<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 1527<BR> 1528<DL> 1529<DD> 1530A sign in <B>the deli I used to work in</B> read:<BR> 1531<BR> 1532<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>Hot</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>Italian</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> 1533<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>Sausage</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> 1534<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>Cold German Hot Dogs! My favorite!</I> 1535</DL> 1536</TD> 1537</TR> 1538<TR> 1539<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 1540<H2><TT>exhibit 9811.04</TT></H2> 1541<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 1542</TD> 1543<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 1544<BR> 1545<DL> 1546<DD> 1547Sign <B>on office door</B> at Superstore in Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada:<BR> 1548<BR> 1549<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>Manager's Office</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> 1550<BR> 1551This is the place where "important" "decisions" are made 1552<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>Like whether to put quotation marks on the signs.</I> 1553</DL> 1554</TD> 1555</TR> 1556 1557<TR> 1558<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 1559<H2><TT>exhibit 9811.03</TT></H2> 1560<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 1561</TD> 1562<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 1563<BR> 1564<DL> 1565<DD> 1566At a <B>University in my city</B> the following sign was posted on an outside wall:<BR> 1567<BR> 1568<TT>Shuttle bus </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>stop</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> around the corner.</TT> 1569<BR> 1570I braced myself as the bus approached, assuming that it would slow down just enough for us to run alongside and scramble in. 1571<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>Good thinking!</I> 1572</DL> 1573</TD> 1574</TR> 1575 1576<TR> 1577<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 1578<H2><TT>exhibit 9811.02</TT></H2> 1579<I>We have received this generous <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>Donation<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT> from a recent visitor</I> 1580</TD> 1581<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 1582<BR> 1583<DL> 1584<DD> 1585I'm a programmer researching some issues. This was <B>in my inbox</B>:<BR> 1586<BR> 1587<TT>The RMA issue may be explainable but we do need someone to check and </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>explain</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> why.</TT> 1588<BR> 1589I guess I won't have to do any "research" to answer... 1590<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>Nope, all you need is a "shovel!"</I> 1591</DL> 1592</TD> 1593</TR> 1594<TR> 1595<TD WIDTH="25%" ALIGN="RIGHT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#CCCCCC"> 1596<H2><TT>exhibit 9811.01</TT></H2> 1597</TD> 1598<TD WIDTH="75%" ALIGN="LEFT" VALIGN="TOP" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" BACKGROUND="images/qmarks2.gif"> 1599<BR> 1600<DL> 1601<DD> 1602<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>The company I work for is moving in a few weeks, so everyone's packing up their stuff. In an effort to be helpful, one of the administrative staff sent out <B>this e-mail</B></I>:<BR> 1603<TT>We have bubble wrap. If anyone needs it, it </TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT>should be</TT><FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT><TT> at the front desk</TT> 1604<BR> 1605<P ALIGN="RIGHT"><I>That should make it "easy" for everyone to finish packing.</I> 1606</DL> 1607</TD> 1608</TR> 1609</TABLE>
1609 1610<HR> 1611<P ALIGN="CENTER">Looking for Exhibits 9806.01 through 9810.10, and the rest of the Gallery? Visit the <A HREF="perm.html">Permanent "Collection."</A> 1612 1613<!-- 1614<A NAME="submit"></A><P ALIGN="CENTER"><!-- BEGIN DUMBLINKEXCHANGE CODE 1615 <a href="http://www.dumblists.com"> 1616 <img width=460 height=55 border=1 1617 alt="DumbLinkExchange" 1618 src="http://www.dumblists.com/dumb2.gif"></a> 1619 <br> 1620 <font size=1>Dumb Link Exchange "Member"</font><br> 1621 <!-- END DUMBLINKEXCHANGE CODE --> 1622<!-- 1623<H3 ALIGN="CENTER">Donate to the Gallery!</H3> 1624<P ALIGN="CENTER">Please <A HREF="donate.html">submit</A> your favorite examples of "misused" quotation marks to me and I'll add them to the <A HREF="index.html#current">Current Exhibits</A>. Kindly allow several days, weeks or months for your donation to be <FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT>processed.<FONT SIZE="+1"><B>"</B></FONT></P> 1625<BR> 1626<BR> 1627<A NAME="nmform"></A> 1628<BR> 1629<BR> 1630<BR> 1631<BR> 1632<CENTER><FORM METHOD="GET" ACTION="http://www.netmind.com/cgi-bin/uncgi/url-mind"> 1633Get an automatic e-mail notification when this site is updated! 1634<BR> 1635Enter your e-mail address and click on the button below:<BR> 1636<INPUT TYPE=TEXT SIZE=40 NAME="required-email"><BR> 1637<INPUT TYPE=HIDDEN VALUE="http://www.juvalamu.com/qmarks/" NAME="url"> 1638<input type=hidden name=note value="Thanks for registering the Gallery of Misused Quotation Marks."> 1639<INPUT TYPE=SUBMIT VALUE=" Press Here to Register "> 1640</FORM> 1641 1642</CENTER> 1643 --> 1644<P ALIGN="CENTER">Back to the <A HREF="#top">top</A> of this page.</P> 1645<P ALIGN="CENTER"> <A HREF="http://www.juvalamu.com/"><IMG SRC="../images/s-juvalamu.gif" ALT="[juvalamu.com]" BORDER="0" WIDTH="197" HEIGHT="31"></A></P> 1646<HR WIDTH="75%"> 1647<CENTER>Last updated on July 28, 2000</CENTER> 1648<CENTER><SMALL><I>(Because I knew you'd been waiting!)</I></SMALL></CENTER> 1649<BR> 1650<ADDRESS>Questions, comments, brickbats, slings, arrows, etc. may be directed to the <A HREF="mailto:qmarks at juvalamu dot com">curator</A>.</ADDRESS> 1651</BODY> 1652</HTML> 1653
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