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165<feFuncB type="table" tableValues="0.35294117647059 0.47058823529412" /><feFuncA type="table" tableValues="1 1" /></feComponentTransfer><feComposite in2="SourceGraphic" operator="in" /></filter></defs></svg><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 0 0" width="0" height="0" focusable="false" role="none" style="visibility: hidden; position: absolute; left: -9999px; overflow: hidden;" ><defs><filter id="wp-duotone-purple-green"><feColorMatrix color-interpolation-filters="sRGB" type="matrix" values=" .299 .587 .114 0 0 .299 .587 .114 0 0 .299 .587 .114 0 0 .299 .587 .114 0 0 " /><feComponentTransfer color-interpolation-filters="sRGB" ><feFuncR type="table" tableValues="0.65098039215686 0.40392156862745" /><feFuncG type="table" tableValues="0 1" /><feFuncB type="table" tableValues="0.44705882352941 0.4" /><feFuncA type="table" tableValues="1 1" /></feComponentTransfer><feComposite in2="SourceGraphic" operator="in" /></filter></defs></svg><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 0 0" width="0" height="0" focusable="false" role="none" style="visibility: hidden; position: absolute; left: -9999px; overflow: hidden;" ><defs><filter id="wp-duotone-blue-orange"><feColorMatrix color-interpolation-filters="sRGB" type="matrix" values=" .299 .587 .114 0 0 .299 .587 .114 0 0 .299 .587 .114 0 0 .299 .587 .114 0 0 " /><feComponentTransfer color-interpolation-filters="sRGB" ><feFuncR type="table" tableValues="0.098039215686275 1" /><feFuncG type="table" tableValues="0 0.66274509803922" /><feFuncB type="table" tableValues="0.84705882352941 0.41960784313725" /><feFuncA type="table" tableValues="1 1" /></feComponentTransfer><feComposite in2="SourceGraphic" operator="in" /></filter></defs></svg><div id="page" class="hfeed site"> 166 <header id="masthead" class="site-header"> 167 <hgroup> 168 <h1 class="site-title"><a href="https://www.derailingfordummies.com/" title="Derailing For Dummies" rel="home">Derailing For Dummies</a></h1> 169 <h2 class="site-description">A Guide to Derailing Conversations</h2> 170 </hgroup> 171 172 <nav id="site-navigation" class="main-navigation"> 173 <button class="menu-toggle">Menu</button> 174 <a class="assistive-text" href="#content" title="Skip to content">Skip to content</a> 175 <div class="menu-mainmenu-container"><ul id="menu-mainmenu" class="nav-menu"><li id="menu-item-38" class="menu-item menu-item-type-post_type menu-item-object-page menu-item-home menu-item-38"><a href="https://www.derailingfordummies.com/">A Guide to Derailing Conversations</a></li> 176<li id="menu-item-37" class="menu-item menu-item-type-post_type menu-item-object-page menu-item-37"><a href="https://www.derailingfordummies.com/contact/">Contact</a></li> 177</ul></div> </nav><!-- #site-navigation --> 178 179 </header><!-- #masthead --> 180 181 <div id="main" class="wrapper"> 182 183 <div id="primary" class="site-content"> 184 <div id="content" role="main"> 185 186 187 <article id="post-9" class="post-9 page type-page status-publish hentry"> 188 <header class="entry-header"> 189 <h1 class="entry-title">Derail Using Anger</h1> 190 </header> 191 192 <div class="entry-content"> 193 <div style='display:none;' class='shareaholic-canvas' data-app='recommendations' data-title='Derail Using Anger' data-link='https://www.derailingfordummies.com/derail-using-anger/' data-app-id-name='page_above_content'></div><div style='display:none;' class='shareaholic-canvas' data-app='share_buttons' data-title='Derail Using Anger' data-link='https://www.derailingfordummies.com/derail-using-anger/' data-app-id-name='page_above_content'></div><p><b>Youâre Being Hostile</b><br /> 194This is a great one to pop out if it seems like theyâre going to push the matter. After all, nobody wants to be âhostileâ, do they? In a culture rigidly defined by social protocol, invariably designed to favor the privileged, people are very concerned about âgetting along with othersâ. Especially marginalized people! Know why? Well, since theyâre marginalized, they experience a variety of discrimination usually in many aspects of their daily lives. It is not at all unusual, therefore, for marginalized people to have to be accustomed to being very, very cautious about the way they engage with the privileged. This is because discrimination may mean they routinely encounter violence, silencing, oppression or just good old-fashioned outright ridicule and diminished. That can make life stressful and exhausting, so many marginalized people develop complex strategies to avoid hostile engagements with privileged People. Further to this, marginalized people are forced into a certain sort of social behavior b
194y privileged people â âappropriateâ behavior After all, there are different rules for them than there are for the privileged.</p> 195<p>This training in âappropriateâ behavior usually begins when they are very young, so it is well-ingrained. By accusing them of hostility, you will successfully enliven their sense of caution and anxiety around this matter. You may also provoke a feeling of guilt that they are not âbehavingâ the way they have been trained to. But even better â by accusing them of hostility, you pass the blame back to them, rather than consider what you might have said that was so offensive and hurtful it caused the âhostilityâ! This will definitely work in your favor, because it will further insult and enrage them. You are making progressâ¦</p> 196<p><b>Youâve Lost Your Temper So I Donât Have To Listen To You Anymore</b><br /> 197This one is particularly effective because it really pushes home a sense of futility and hopelessness to the marginalized people. Remember they should never get the impression they can win one of these arguments, because you should be consistently implying that there was never anything to argue over to begin with.</p> 198<p>If youâve been following the steps correctly so far, by this point any reasonable person is going to be feeling pretty angry. This anger could lead to them being more aggressive and abrasive. The marginalized people have possibly even decided that youâre simply too obnoxious to waste patience on and is venting their sense of frustration. This is when you whip this step out! You can use it to disregard everything theyâve said to you and just not deal with the issue, in particular ignoring your prior behavior that led to the anger.</p> 199<p>Conventions of social conduct hold civil discourse as the ideal at all times. When people get angry, it gives you a convenient âoutâ without having to concede to any of their objections or acknowledge their pain. Furthermore, with this one you can make it seem as though you were ready and willing to listen, but then they ruined it. This way you can leave them with the sense that if only theyâd been a good little marginalized people and toed the line, then they may have won someone over to the cause! It just adds a particular distaste to the whole affair that no derailing should be without!</p> 200<p><b>You Are Damaging Your Cause By Being Angry</b><br /> 201By now their feelings are probably deeply hurt and theyâre very angry. Donât forget they encounter this kind of discrimination in subtle ways every single day of their life, so theyâre bound to be emotional about it, even resentful. You can take advantage of this weakness to emerge the victor! After all, everyone knows the marginalized have an obligation to conduct themselves with quiet dignity in the face of infuriating tribulation and if your quarry begins to get angry and âaggressiveâ then you have won! Why? Well, itâs very simple â just hold them as representative of their entire group! You could try saying something like âyou realize youâre making all X look bad?â, or âwell, congratulations for backing up the stereotype of X as being angry, irrational and oversensitive!â</p> 202<p>Maybe you can even say âwell, I was about to say I was willing to listen to you, but then you got insulting so now I donât have to!â Donât worry about silly things like their feelings â câmon, theyâre grownups, arenât they! The only thing that matters is defending your discrimination as completely fair and to avoid examining your prejudiced arguments in ways that may challenge them. You could even drop this little bomb: âYou are damaging your cause by being angry, real understanding can only happen if all sides are respectful and patientâ.</p> 203<p>Not only do you come across as a smug, self-righteous asshat (though you may prefer the term âbigger personâ) you can also manage to subtly make them feel guilty about their anger, as though itâs undeserved! Everybody wins! Well, except them of course.</p> 204<div style='display:none;' class='shareaholic-canvas' data-app='share_buttons' data-title='Derail Using Anger' data-link='https://www.derailingfordummies.com/derail-using-anger/' data-app-id-name='page_below_content'></div><div style='display:none;' class='shareaholic-canvas' data-app='recommendations' data-title='Derail Using Anger' data-link='https://www.derailingfordummies.com/derail-using-anger/' data-app-id-name='page_below_content'></div> </div><!-- .entry-content --> 205 <footer class="entry-meta"> 206 </footer><!-- .entry-meta --> 207 </article><!-- #post --> 208 209<div id="comments" class="comments-area"> 210 211 212 213 214</div><!-- #comments .comments-area --> 215 216 </div><!-- #content --> 217 </div><!-- #primary --> 218 219 220 <div id="secondary" class="widget-area" role="complementary"> 221 <aside id="pages-2" class="widget widget_pages"><h3 class="widget-title">Menu</h3> 222 <ul> 223 <li class="page_item page-item-5"><a href="https://www.derailingfordummies.com/">A Guide to Derailing Conversations</a></li> 224<li class="page_item page-item-7"><a href="https://www.derailingfordummies.com/derail-using-education/">Derail Using Education</a></li> 225<li class="page_item page-item-9 current_page_item"><a href="https://www.derailingfordummies.com/derail-using-anger/" aria-current="page">Derail Using Anger</a></li> 226<li class="page_item page-item-11"><a href="https://www.derailingfordummies.com/derail-using-emotion/">Derail Using Emotion</a></li> 227<li class="page_item page-item-13"><a href="https://www.derailingfordummies.com/derail-using-distraction/">Derail Using Distraction</a></li> 228<li class="page_item page-item-17"><a href="https://www.derailingfordummies.com/derail-using-retaliation/">Derail Using Retaliation</a></li> 229<li class="page_item page-item-19"><a href="https://www.derailingfordummies.com/derail-using-intellectualism/">Derail Using Intellectualism</a></li> 230<li class="page_item page-item-21"><a href="https://www.derailingfordummies.com/derail-using-humour/">Derail Using Humor</a></li> 231<li class="page_item page-item-23"><a href="https://www.derailingfordummies.com/derail-using-entitlement/">Derail Using Entitlement</a></li> 232<li class="page_item page-item-26"><a href="https://www.derailingfordummies.com/derail-using-personal-attacks/">Derail Using Personal Attacks</a></li> 233<li class="page_item page-item-142"><a href="https://www.derailingfordummies.com/reader-feedback/">Reader Feedback</a></li> 234<li class="page_item page-item-31">
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